Valroma City
1 Pew
2 Pew
3 Barney
4 McGrue
5 Cuthbert
6 Dibble
7 Grub
San Pedro Rams
1 Mikiel MUFSID
2 Bertu L-Bokser
3 Kalcidon il-Fatat
4 Pietru L-Hafi
5 Nikol il-Gard
6 Censu l-Bari
7 Wenzu l-Haxxej
After the euphoria of the legalisation of Bloodbowl in Valroma the last
few weeks have been fairly quiet on the games front. It was only a matter of time however before the worst kept secret in the land would be made public... the Valroma City Guard were to form a squad and become the cities official team.
There was no small amount of speculation as to why City's debut
match was to be played away in the sleepy protectorate of San Pedro, some three hundred miles to the south. When questioned, team
manager Captain Snort replied "we just want to bring the sport to the provinces". The word on the street however was that the 'Guards'
wanted to show the provintials who was boss and beat them into their home turf!
Since forming their team the San Pedro Rams had not been able to get
a single game so when the official letter was received in the village that Valroma City were coming to them the village went into Bloodbowl fever.
The whole village were prepared and everything was thought of...except when City trundled in to the train station at the bottom of the cliffs there was no transport for them upto the heights of San Pedro. After two hours of lugging their equipment to the village salt was added to the wounds as the cab drivers were stood with their horses applauding the hapless Guards turned bloodbowl players. It took the local San Pedro Guards several hours to extract the same cabbies heads out of their frantic horses backsides! A spokesperson for the San Pedro Guards confirmed no arrests were made and it was all a big mistake. The local San Pedro folk are fear foul play and that Guards stick together no matter where they are from.
So exactly how two San Pedro guards ended up hands bound to a pole outside the city walls, trousers around their ankles, genitals plastered in jam near a field of bee hives with a sign dangled around their necks saying "I'm a guard first San Pedrian second" is probably not the mystery that the local Guards claim it to be.
The Patcho Grasso ground was full ...over 2,500 people were in attendance
with many red faced, sweaty and tired City supporters (due of course to the
lack of cabbies to ferry them up from the station). Green flags were flying
all around and the local San Pedro band played their traditional music. The
ground erupted when the teams came out and no one felt the Rams had a
chance and everyone was expecting carnage. The referee was a man by the
name of Saref Sabastad, or at least that is what a local told me.
Sabastad pulled up the Rams on two succesive occasions right on kick-off
for infringements. A discussion ensued on the pitch and rule differences
were ironed out and not before time. To the home crowd's delight the plucky
rams charged at City after Captain Mufsid launched the ball into the City
half. Carnage did indeed ensue but it was City who were surprisingly on the
receiving end with Pew, McGrue and Barney all being steam rollered to the
ground by the Rams charging line men.This wasn't going according to the
script! Pew's brother...Pew viciously attacked Bertu il-Bokser who skilfully
side stepped and brought down the guard with a lethal right hook to the jaw
knocking him clean out .
The first twenty minutes of the game was literally a bloodbath and it
appeared the Rams were coming off better, the ball bobbed around the pitch
seemingly just a bit part in the game when a loose ball was pounced upon by
City's Grub right under the nose of the heroic Bertu il-Bokser. Grub spotted
McGrue sprinting into the Rams half with the home team racing to shut him
down. Grub spotted a gap in the line and ran clean through to score himself
on the 30 minute mark leaving a helpless Wenzu il-il-Haxxej eating his dust.
City were indeed the real deal. No one could have predicted that from the
kick-off Rams captain and catcher Mikiel Mufsid would scoop up the ball and
run into the endzone to equalize the match just before half-time.
The band went into overdrive ......then fell silent as the Valroma city band
turned up at the ground after lugging their instruments up the hill. The
half time entertainment was second to none as San Pedro Village band
were forced to leave the ground with instruments in pieces as the City band
decided they were better and explained the fact to the villagers .....giving
"Battle of the bands" a whole new meaning.
City came out in the second half in high spirits and with their band behind
them they set about the Rams with a spring in their step....looking like a
dodgy line dancing troop on a summer holiday down by the great lake. The
Rams fought bravely but City kept hold of the ball and on the 70th minute
when all thought that San Pedro had pulled off the impossible City catcher
Grub found a way into the Ram's Endzone. Dibble had the ball around the
half way line, in front of him raged a midfield punch up, he paused for a
second pulled his arm back, spotted Grub's run and launched the ball.....
the whole of San Pedro held it's breath the ball soared through the air
rotating, spinning straight into Grubs outstretched hands.
2-1 to City.
The Rams didn't have enough time to respond and at the final whistle
chased Saref Sabastad into his dressing room adding confusion to us
journalists as they were calling him Saref Safarkinbastad ?!?!?!?
San Pedro journalist Padre Hilario told me later
"We are a small team eh! We play to the best of our ability and God willing
we will get results, we must be gracious in defeat and not do deese tings to
da ref after da match. We should nail da tosser during d game, dat way he
doesn't carry on making Alla! shit decisions.......God bless you "
