by Juno Lister
A row has erupted over the new sporting craze that is sweeping Valroma. Prize fighting although not new to Valroma has been an underground affair unregulated and poorly followed due to exaggerations in records, inflated reputations and fraudulent claims of overall supremacy. The Guards Association of Sports and Hobbies (GASH) has made huge steps forward in trying to organise the dirty world of pit fighting last week by appointing their number 1 pugilist Bad Baz as champion. On a grey evening in Grendel Square he took on all comers and despatched them all in a crazy circus like stunt only to come unstuck by a teenager from down town Valroma called Zoomo Azz. Not to take anything away from the Teenage Terror whose tenacity and raw violence upended Bad Baz....but Bad Baz has complained he was tired and it wasn't fair that his title belt was given to Azz. GASH has signed up Azz and although Baz and Azz’s relationship is rocky they share the same camp and the atmosphere in the gym is apparently very icy.
Out on the harsh desolate plains beyond the southernmost provinces of Valroma live the tribal folk. The feudal unrest between tribes is often very volatile but over the last few decades pit fighting has been a means of settling scores, all out war being far too devastating the small tribal populations. They have a very active pit fighting culture and leader of the Hawk Eye tribe Chief Jaiya has petitioned GASH demanding that their inter-tribe champion Shaka Firestorm must be in line to contend for the Valroma Championship. Bad Baz has claimed he should be allowed to fight to get his belt back first. There have been several other fighters who are staking a claim to the title also, a certain Malachia Il-Muntun a goat headed beastman from the Klopp region north of San Pedro and strangely Cirillu Ghajn Al-Maqdes a priest from one of the many obscure temples in Valroma city.
In order to settle the title belt once and for all GASH decided that they would appoint a body of respected individuals on to a panel called the Valroma Unified Fighters League VUFL. Representatives from the major pit fighting and pugilist camps have met and it has been decided that the best fighters in the land will meet in Grendel Square in Valroma City. They will all be thrown into a fighting area and the last man standing will be the Real Champion. As fighter by fighter falls his name will be placed on a ranking ladder and the higher up the ladder.
The VUFL have also announced that in the pipe line they are planning to have a tag team championship. They will announce fight cards ahead of the event and take the VUFL to the provinces so fans all over Valroma can see the fighters who they reckon will soon be legends.
Former Pit Fighter Mack McMinus has laughed at these plans........" Taking pit fighting to a larger audience is nonsense ...in my day it were real fighting, Grannies were the biggest fans & I can't see it appealing to the wider public...they are even talking of having the Wizards Guild provide pyrotechnics and Bards to introduce them onto the square...it's all too razzle dazzle for me....it will never catch on"
Time will tell .......bring it on!
Wednesday 20 May 2009
Friday 15 May 2009
Bad Baz Knocked Out By Teenage Terror
by Juno lister
There is a new kid on the block, remember this name ......Zoomo Azz
Bad Baz had been knocking out wannabe pugilists all evening in Grendel Square in Valroma City. A large crowd had built up as the Guard dispatched all comers. Then up stepped a young man barely in his adulthood called Zoomo Azz. The crowd winced as Azz was put down time after time and as he appeared on his last legs Bad Baz missed two big shots and with that Azz stepped up and put him on his backside.
Baz beat the count and looked drained himself. He went to head-butt the young gun but the youthful Azz sidestepped and planted a knee on the blundering guards chin sending him to sleep. When Bad Baz was counted out the square erupted.....Zoomo Azz was given a championship belt that had been round Bad Baz's waist........A GASH official lifted Azz's arm and declared......The new champion of Valroma......................... Zoomo Azz
Rumour has it Azz has tonight been recruited by the Guards and offered a contract with GASH. Bad Baz left the square after blasting out a warning to Azz
"that belt is on loan ....I’m taking it back ...and when I do I will break you in two!!!!!"
There is a new kid on the block, remember this name ......Zoomo Azz
Bad Baz had been knocking out wannabe pugilists all evening in Grendel Square in Valroma City. A large crowd had built up as the Guard dispatched all comers. Then up stepped a young man barely in his adulthood called Zoomo Azz. The crowd winced as Azz was put down time after time and as he appeared on his last legs Bad Baz missed two big shots and with that Azz stepped up and put him on his backside.
Baz beat the count and looked drained himself. He went to head-butt the young gun but the youthful Azz sidestepped and planted a knee on the blundering guards chin sending him to sleep. When Bad Baz was counted out the square erupted.....Zoomo Azz was given a championship belt that had been round Bad Baz's waist........A GASH official lifted Azz's arm and declared......The new champion of Valroma......................... Zoomo Azz
Rumour has it Azz has tonight been recruited by the Guards and offered a contract with GASH. Bad Baz left the square after blasting out a warning to Azz
"that belt is on loan ....I’m taking it back ...and when I do I will break you in two!!!!!"
Open Invitation
by Mike Oxstiff
A spokes person for G.A.S.H. (Guards Association of Sports and Hobbies) has issue a statement to challenge San Pedro's veteran pit fighter Gonbailas to fight their finest fighter Bad Baz, a well known city centre Guard whose reputation for cracking skulls is legendary. GASH said that following the success of the Valroma City it was decide that they had to dominate the fight game too.
Bad Baz is doing some exhibition fights in Grendel Square tonight and will invite all comers to climb into the ring with him for a small purse.
So far Gonbailas has not responded in fact no one has seen him.....has he lost his bottle?
A spokes person for G.A.S.H. (Guards Association of Sports and Hobbies) has issue a statement to challenge San Pedro's veteran pit fighter Gonbailas to fight their finest fighter Bad Baz, a well known city centre Guard whose reputation for cracking skulls is legendary. GASH said that following the success of the Valroma City it was decide that they had to dominate the fight game too.
Bad Baz is doing some exhibition fights in Grendel Square tonight and will invite all comers to climb into the ring with him for a small purse.
So far Gonbailas has not responded in fact no one has seen him.....has he lost his bottle?
Thursday 14 May 2009
Clash of the Titans
By Juno Lister
The second semi-final was between the two favourites to win the tournament Valroma City and Black Bay Dragons, but only one of them could go through. The city’s guard team Valroma City are surprisingly getting a very healthy fan base since they exploded onto the Bloodbowl league last year. Rumour has it that lighter sentencing of Valroma’s undesirables upon arrest is the order of the day in exchange for assurance of a bum on the terrace for the next home match.
The match kicked off with Jerimiah Lildew, Dragons Captain, launching a kick into City’s half. City then aimed to spoil the game by tucking the ball into a ‘boomchugaluga’ formation and tried advancing forward slowly. They got a fairway down the field when the Dragon’s fearless catcher Crash Talon zipped round the back of the bum chagga lagga discarding City’s Grub as he went. A whole melee took place and the ball seemed to bounce around the pitch forever almost a secondary issue amongst a whole load of scrapping bodies. Eventually the teams showed a renewed interest in the ball which spilled out to the two captains Lildew and Pew 1. Pew was sent sprawling, the ball flew into the air and Crash Talon gathered it and dashed to the endzone scoring a touchdown for the Dragons in the 25 minute.
It looked like the Dragons were going to run away with the game, they looked strong and fit where as City seemed only to want to spoil creative play and this tactic seemed to work as City absorbed anything thrown at them .The game was hard hitting and just before the break the Dragons failed to deal with the Valroma onslaught. Grub ran into the endzone and waited for what must have seemed an eternity as his team mate Dibble launched a long pass to him failing miserably. The ball bounced short into the hands of Dragon’s Crash Talon who remarkably fumbled the ball ...it was City player Barney who reacted the quickest picked up the ball and handed it to the patiently waiting grub in the endzone. The teams swapped ends at 1-1.
The second half was a similar story as the first with both teams going at each other quite ferociously but the Dragons for all their flair and speed were making silly ball control errors and it was only a matter of time before in the 75th minute, capitalising on another fumble this time by Omras, City’s Pue 2 picked up the loose ball and scored.
At the final whistle the stadium was on fire..........no it literally it was on fire as the disgruntled Dragons fans kidnapped City’s mascot Bertie the Boar and set light to his backside. As the poor man inside got hotter and hotter the quicker Bertie ran. Looking like a nitrous oxide injected pig hurtling towards the terraces . The flaming pig leapt into the crowd causing all sorts of mayhem, none the least setting the stand alight.....this meant that the Final between Harbads Heroes and Valroma City has to be postponed until the damage has been repaired.
Final score Valroma City 2 Black Bay Dragons 1
The second semi-final was between the two favourites to win the tournament Valroma City and Black Bay Dragons, but only one of them could go through. The city’s guard team Valroma City are surprisingly getting a very healthy fan base since they exploded onto the Bloodbowl league last year. Rumour has it that lighter sentencing of Valroma’s undesirables upon arrest is the order of the day in exchange for assurance of a bum on the terrace for the next home match.
The match kicked off with Jerimiah Lildew, Dragons Captain, launching a kick into City’s half. City then aimed to spoil the game by tucking the ball into a ‘boomchugaluga’ formation and tried advancing forward slowly. They got a fairway down the field when the Dragon’s fearless catcher Crash Talon zipped round the back of the bum chagga lagga discarding City’s Grub as he went. A whole melee took place and the ball seemed to bounce around the pitch forever almost a secondary issue amongst a whole load of scrapping bodies. Eventually the teams showed a renewed interest in the ball which spilled out to the two captains Lildew and Pew 1. Pew was sent sprawling, the ball flew into the air and Crash Talon gathered it and dashed to the endzone scoring a touchdown for the Dragons in the 25 minute.
It looked like the Dragons were going to run away with the game, they looked strong and fit where as City seemed only to want to spoil creative play and this tactic seemed to work as City absorbed anything thrown at them .The game was hard hitting and just before the break the Dragons failed to deal with the Valroma onslaught. Grub ran into the endzone and waited for what must have seemed an eternity as his team mate Dibble launched a long pass to him failing miserably. The ball bounced short into the hands of Dragon’s Crash Talon who remarkably fumbled the ball ...it was City player Barney who reacted the quickest picked up the ball and handed it to the patiently waiting grub in the endzone. The teams swapped ends at 1-1.
The second half was a similar story as the first with both teams going at each other quite ferociously but the Dragons for all their flair and speed were making silly ball control errors and it was only a matter of time before in the 75th minute, capitalising on another fumble this time by Omras, City’s Pue 2 picked up the loose ball and scored.
At the final whistle the stadium was on fire..........no it literally it was on fire as the disgruntled Dragons fans kidnapped City’s mascot Bertie the Boar and set light to his backside. As the poor man inside got hotter and hotter the quicker Bertie ran. Looking like a nitrous oxide injected pig hurtling towards the terraces . The flaming pig leapt into the crowd causing all sorts of mayhem, none the least setting the stand alight.....this meant that the Final between Harbads Heroes and Valroma City has to be postponed until the damage has been repaired.
Final score Valroma City 2 Black Bay Dragons 1
Wednesday 13 May 2009
Explosive Dukes Cup Action
By Juno Lister
Four thousand expectant fans crammed into the West gate stadium to witness the inaugural Dukes Cup Tournament. The Rams had arrived in the city a few days earlier and the festa atmosphere from the San Pedro fans has been a real focus point for the citizens of Valroma. These strange loud folk from San Pedro seem to have a strange fascination for hand held whistling fireworks and loud petards which have been going off at infrequent intervals all over the city launched from the roofs of their inns and accommodations. When not indulging their frankly dangerous obsession with pyrotechnics they seem to love walking aimlessly up and down the streets in their best clothes staring into people’s doors and windows. Their opponents in the first semi-final Harbads Heroes on the other hand arrived a few minutes before the opening match against The Rams their location in these last weeks still a mystery. Officials insist the team did infact present themselves before the mandatory registration 24 hours previous to the start of the tournament but as no-one seems to be witness to this, this reporter has to wonder if bribery and skullduggery are afoot?
So the Rams lined up hoping that maybe, just maybe, this was the game that would get their first win. This rather hopeful dream was soon banished into a nightmare in the form of a complete blunder by Rams no3 Kalcidon Il-Fatat who fumbled the ball from a Skudd kick-off allowing Heroes Skudd to run him down, push him aside and scoop up the ball to trot into the Endzone. The crowd went wild 1-0 to the Heroes.
From the re-start the plucky little San Pedrians attacked down the flank with No1 Mikiel Mufsid calling for the ball. Kalcidon trying to make a mends for his earlier fumble threw the ball to no7 Wenzu Il-Haxxej but over cooked. il-Haxxej had several Heroes running at him full pelt, but though they came off worse stunning themselves, it was enough to slow il-Haxxej and he couldn’t reach the ball in time,which was scooped up by Skudd for the Heroes.
The remainder of the first half saw the ball bobble about in the Heroes half as SanPedro piled on the pressure but couldn’t find the break-through they desperately needed. The Heroes just absorbed everything The Rams could throw at them.
The second half was much the same, Skudd was having a great game and was sprinting into the Rams half ball tucked into his body until Rams no 6 Cenzu il-Bari made a b-line for him, the clank of metal against metal was deafening as the pair of them ended up in a dented heap.
Then the killer blow! With ten minutes left to go Gripper Khan easily took out Rams no 4 Pietru il-Hafi scooping up the ball and passed it to his team mate Zaargh who was skipping into the endzone as the ball sailed into his hands, the Heroes crowd erupted and a few scuffles broke out on the terraces. The Heroes, now in the final, could sit back and watch the next match closely and plot against the winner of the second semi-final, only a step away from winning silverware. As for the Rams a long journey back to San Pedro, battered, bruised, winless and clueless.
Final score Harbads Heroes 2 San Pedro Rams 0
Four thousand expectant fans crammed into the West gate stadium to witness the inaugural Dukes Cup Tournament. The Rams had arrived in the city a few days earlier and the festa atmosphere from the San Pedro fans has been a real focus point for the citizens of Valroma. These strange loud folk from San Pedro seem to have a strange fascination for hand held whistling fireworks and loud petards which have been going off at infrequent intervals all over the city launched from the roofs of their inns and accommodations. When not indulging their frankly dangerous obsession with pyrotechnics they seem to love walking aimlessly up and down the streets in their best clothes staring into people’s doors and windows. Their opponents in the first semi-final Harbads Heroes on the other hand arrived a few minutes before the opening match against The Rams their location in these last weeks still a mystery. Officials insist the team did infact present themselves before the mandatory registration 24 hours previous to the start of the tournament but as no-one seems to be witness to this, this reporter has to wonder if bribery and skullduggery are afoot?
So the Rams lined up hoping that maybe, just maybe, this was the game that would get their first win. This rather hopeful dream was soon banished into a nightmare in the form of a complete blunder by Rams no3 Kalcidon Il-Fatat who fumbled the ball from a Skudd kick-off allowing Heroes Skudd to run him down, push him aside and scoop up the ball to trot into the Endzone. The crowd went wild 1-0 to the Heroes.
From the re-start the plucky little San Pedrians attacked down the flank with No1 Mikiel Mufsid calling for the ball. Kalcidon trying to make a mends for his earlier fumble threw the ball to no7 Wenzu Il-Haxxej but over cooked. il-Haxxej had several Heroes running at him full pelt, but though they came off worse stunning themselves, it was enough to slow il-Haxxej and he couldn’t reach the ball in time,which was scooped up by Skudd for the Heroes.
The remainder of the first half saw the ball bobble about in the Heroes half as SanPedro piled on the pressure but couldn’t find the break-through they desperately needed. The Heroes just absorbed everything The Rams could throw at them.
The second half was much the same, Skudd was having a great game and was sprinting into the Rams half ball tucked into his body until Rams no 6 Cenzu il-Bari made a b-line for him, the clank of metal against metal was deafening as the pair of them ended up in a dented heap.
Then the killer blow! With ten minutes left to go Gripper Khan easily took out Rams no 4 Pietru il-Hafi scooping up the ball and passed it to his team mate Zaargh who was skipping into the endzone as the ball sailed into his hands, the Heroes crowd erupted and a few scuffles broke out on the terraces. The Heroes, now in the final, could sit back and watch the next match closely and plot against the winner of the second semi-final, only a step away from winning silverware. As for the Rams a long journey back to San Pedro, battered, bruised, winless and clueless.
Final score Harbads Heroes 2 San Pedro Rams 0
Tuesday 5 May 2009
Teams Go Missing !
by I. P. Dayley
With only four days to go till the Dukes Cup tournament The Dark Bay Dragons are training hard, finalising tactics and set plays, the San Pedro Rams are still en route amid a carnival of fans and hanger-ons but what of Valroma City and the failing Harbads Heroes? Nothing has been seen or heard of from these two teams for several months, fuelling speculation and playing into the hands of conspiracy theorists! Representatives for both teams have filed all the correct applications and paid the appropriate brides in a timely fashion but with the mandatory presentation of the teams themselves to the commission the day before the tournament fast approaching fears and rumours abound of a disappointing two team tournament.
Following the success and growing celebrity status of the ‘Guards’ the Valroma City Watch reportedly transferred the whole team and coaching staff to the neighbouring territory of The Gorge to man the local watchtower. A spokesman said this would serve the twin purpose of once again manning the old disused tower and keep the team away from the temptations of Valroma city with the upcoming season looming. With The Gorge being a sparsely populated area and posing little or no danger no thought had been given to the City’s finest but now with days to go rumours are starting to fly. Have they run afoul of bandits? No one knows and the City Watch is being very tight lipped.
The Heroes have not been seen in valroma city since their crushing defeat against the Dragons last year but the word on the street is they have gone out into the wilds looking for the mysterious Darkmagi. Who or what is Darkmagi? Some say a fabled coach from another plane of existence, others say a cult of magicians. No one knows for sure, have the Heroes found a messiahanic new coach or come to a sticky end at the hands of evil cultists?
Two top teams both mysteriously absent so close to this prestigious tournament, coincidence or foul play? These two teams could hardly be more different, the Guards fine upstanding protectors of our fine city, the Heroes shady rogues of dubious virtue but there are some in the back streets of down town Valroma who whisper that this fabled Darkmagi has indeed been found and both the Heroes and the Guards were actually at a joint secret training camp. Could the conspiracy theorist be correct? Are the two teams in cahoots? Impossible some would say but this is bloodbowl let us not forget. Only time will tell.
La Madam has issued a statement that she had got the Darby & Juno OAP club to round up some volunteers to form a stand-in team, let’s hope that won’t be necessary (not quite sure what the rules have to say about Zimmer frames on the pitch but lawyers are currently investigating).
With only four days to go till the Dukes Cup tournament The Dark Bay Dragons are training hard, finalising tactics and set plays, the San Pedro Rams are still en route amid a carnival of fans and hanger-ons but what of Valroma City and the failing Harbads Heroes? Nothing has been seen or heard of from these two teams for several months, fuelling speculation and playing into the hands of conspiracy theorists! Representatives for both teams have filed all the correct applications and paid the appropriate brides in a timely fashion but with the mandatory presentation of the teams themselves to the commission the day before the tournament fast approaching fears and rumours abound of a disappointing two team tournament.
Following the success and growing celebrity status of the ‘Guards’ the Valroma City Watch reportedly transferred the whole team and coaching staff to the neighbouring territory of The Gorge to man the local watchtower. A spokesman said this would serve the twin purpose of once again manning the old disused tower and keep the team away from the temptations of Valroma city with the upcoming season looming. With The Gorge being a sparsely populated area and posing little or no danger no thought had been given to the City’s finest but now with days to go rumours are starting to fly. Have they run afoul of bandits? No one knows and the City Watch is being very tight lipped.
The Heroes have not been seen in valroma city since their crushing defeat against the Dragons last year but the word on the street is they have gone out into the wilds looking for the mysterious Darkmagi. Who or what is Darkmagi? Some say a fabled coach from another plane of existence, others say a cult of magicians. No one knows for sure, have the Heroes found a messiahanic new coach or come to a sticky end at the hands of evil cultists?
Two top teams both mysteriously absent so close to this prestigious tournament, coincidence or foul play? These two teams could hardly be more different, the Guards fine upstanding protectors of our fine city, the Heroes shady rogues of dubious virtue but there are some in the back streets of down town Valroma who whisper that this fabled Darkmagi has indeed been found and both the Heroes and the Guards were actually at a joint secret training camp. Could the conspiracy theorist be correct? Are the two teams in cahoots? Impossible some would say but this is bloodbowl let us not forget. Only time will tell.
La Madam has issued a statement that she had got the Darby & Juno OAP club to round up some volunteers to form a stand-in team, let’s hope that won’t be necessary (not quite sure what the rules have to say about Zimmer frames on the pitch but lawyers are currently investigating).
Friday 1 May 2009
Duke's Cup 09
by Juno Lister
As the summer fast approaches on the good citizens of Valroma pre-season training is in full swing. The first of the new season's tournaments is the Duke's Cup held at the New Westgate Stadium in downtown Valroma City.
The four teams competing for this prestigious trophy which is to be played in a knockout format are:
The Black Bay Dragons - the vicious Dark Elf team.
San Pedro Rams - the strange town folk from way down South. Yet to win a game of course but these plucky villagers are looking to avenge the defeat by this tournament's hosts.
Valroma City - the team of proud guards of our capital finest are starting to enjoy celebrity status due to off-field activities in the off season, none more so than the Pew brothers who won the popular contest 'Valroma's Got Talent' by shoving 235 frogs down a detainee's throat in one minute smashing the old record by 100 frogs.
Harbad's Heros - once hailed as the team to watch out for paled into insignificance last season with that bone crunching defeat by the Dragons.
So the draw was rigged as follows
Harbad's Heroes v San Pedro Rams
Valroma City v Black Bay Dragons
The winner of each going head-to-head for the Duke's Cup. The third place will be determined on touchdowns scored
So where will you be next weekend? Rumour has it the Rams have already set off from the hills to a ticker tape send off together with over hundred supporters in a convoy of donkey pulled carts. It is also rumoured that the popular San Pedro folk band Green Sleeves are also travelling to the capital and will be playing at the Dragonfly Tavern in Butterfly street supporting the popular Spriggan Moist . So everyone else will probably go to La Madame's until the main act comes on stage .
As the summer fast approaches on the good citizens of Valroma pre-season training is in full swing. The first of the new season's tournaments is the Duke's Cup held at the New Westgate Stadium in downtown Valroma City.
The four teams competing for this prestigious trophy which is to be played in a knockout format are:
The Black Bay Dragons - the vicious Dark Elf team.
San Pedro Rams - the strange town folk from way down South. Yet to win a game of course but these plucky villagers are looking to avenge the defeat by this tournament's hosts.
Valroma City - the team of proud guards of our capital finest are starting to enjoy celebrity status due to off-field activities in the off season, none more so than the Pew brothers who won the popular contest 'Valroma's Got Talent' by shoving 235 frogs down a detainee's throat in one minute smashing the old record by 100 frogs.
Harbad's Heros - once hailed as the team to watch out for paled into insignificance last season with that bone crunching defeat by the Dragons.
So the draw was rigged as follows
Harbad's Heroes v San Pedro Rams
Valroma City v Black Bay Dragons
The winner of each going head-to-head for the Duke's Cup. The third place will be determined on touchdowns scored
So where will you be next weekend? Rumour has it the Rams have already set off from the hills to a ticker tape send off together with over hundred supporters in a convoy of donkey pulled carts. It is also rumoured that the popular San Pedro folk band Green Sleeves are also travelling to the capital and will be playing at the Dragonfly Tavern in Butterfly street supporting the popular Spriggan Moist . So everyone else will probably go to La Madame's until the main act comes on stage .
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