The Grendel Square Bashing

by Bob Sanweevs


The day all pugilism fans were waiting for the “There can be only one” mega scrap took place at Grendel Square in Valroma City. The San Pedrian Wizard Cucci Fogu lit up the square with pre-fight pyrotechnics, accidentally igniting one of the head cheerleader Donna Blacksmith’s ponytails. The result of which was the last performance by the cheerleader who will be forever known as Donna Kebab. People in the crowd agreed it was a lightening performance by the unfortunate cheerleader. Famed for her pompom work at La Madame’s, it was a shame it ended so quickly as she danced like it was her last dance…….actually it was her last dance…

As the fighters were lead out Wizard Fogu increased his pyromaniac tendencies to the max and soon we had 7 fighters standing in the square looking mean at each other.

There was Sir John Drew ….or ‘Screwy Drewy’ as he is known amongst his fellow knights. Not content on doing what nobility do best namely hobnobing with his peers, dueling and jousting…..oh no this old veteran likes nothing more than getting down to the darkest deepest ghettos of the city and mixing it with the riff-raff. “A true knight fights anyone “ he told me before the fight. Slow but very experienced Sir John would be a force to be reckoned with.

At the other end of the spectrum Zoomo Azz the holder of the championship belt is young inexperienced but full of energy. He entered the arena having taken the belt off of Bad Baz . Sure of himself and full of flashy moves the boy from the ghetto was fully expecting to retain his belt.

Cirillu Ghajn Al-Maqdes, a priest from the Order of the Obsidian Gate ………….. What is a priest doing in what is a essentially a gloried street brawl I asked him? “well my son, sadly the Temple of the Outcast Daemons needs a new roof and donations are pitifully few. If by the blessed Azmet I should win then the prize money would go a long way to reaching our goal!” replied the confident cleric and produced a donations box from him robes, rattling it enthusiastically.

Malachia il-Muntun, a beastman from the Klopp region near San Pedro. There were high hopes for this hard looking fighter resplendent with mighty rams horns! He is reported to have slain the great troll who lived under the bridge of the Rikketii Bridge!

Phantom Power the crowd’s favourite posed his way into the square, his white leggings as white as white, his long locks soft and wavy. His body honed and toned, teeth gleaming in the evening sun, Phantom, known as the People’s Pugilist, was a picture of perfection. He told me before the fight…..”I will fight fair I will fight hard and I will be the people’s champion…..and kids….don’t do mushrooms”

Bad Baz the dreaded Guard form Valroma city had a lot to prove, having already been beaten by a kid, losing his self proclaimed championship……He walked into the square looking very angry and kicked an old lady as she booed him.

The last fighter to appear was Cedric McNasty. No one has seen Cedric’s face and no one knows where he comes from. He never speaks, never shows emotion, he just turns up, points at his intended foe and pummels them into the ground.

So the scene was set and the ref Bryn Craptree shouted the magic word….. “FIGHT!” … the mayhem began.

Sir John wandered over to Zoomo Azz and the pair of them squared off at each other. Sir John raised his fists in pure Queensbury Rules style and started a continual banter at Azz…”come on young lad …come on stick one on me come on mitts up boy” Malachia put head down and charged into Bad Baz. Cirillu stood in the middle of the square, raised his arms out to the side as if summonsing the heavens all around him. Phantom Power was running around the arena giving cheap shots to everyone and the crowd were loving it. Sir John was off-loading on Azz and soon the both of them had to pick themselves off the ground. Phantom Power ran up to Azz as he was on the floor to ‘put the boot in’ but Azz caught him low sending the People’s Pugilist clutching the People’s Parts! Bad Baz knocked out Malachia cold and turned his attentions to Cirillu who promptly disposed of Bad Baz. Cirillu stepped forward and punched Cedric Mc Nasty clean on the chin, Mc Nasty couldn’t beat the count and was out. The People’s Pugilist got up again and looked even more determined to put the boot in on Azz who had been floored again by the Sir John. As Power drew his foot back Azz again planted his foot in Powers groin, Sir John threw Azz down again and this time Cirillu stepped across and kicked him whilst down, knocking him out.

Cirillu, Sir John and Phantom Power were the last three standing. Power disposed of the old knight whilst he was gasping for breath on the floor having been kneed in the stomach. As it looked like Sir John was about to get up Cirillu stamped him into the ground …the crowd were starting to cheer “Bravu Cirillu ghalhekk jghidulu hekk”

Phantom Power relatively fresh from avoiding the scrap to a certain to degree turned on the magic, unleashed a barrage of punches and kicks and as Cirillu fell Power raised his arms and shouted
“I am the people’s champion I defeated all of them …fairly squarely and with style!!! And remember kids….don’t accept berries from strangers!"


So the rankings stand :
Champion Phantom Power with 2 KO s

Contender Cirillu………….with 3 KO s

Sir John Drew…………….

Zoomo Azz…………………with 1 KO (previous fight against Bad Baz)

Cedric Mc Nasty Bad Baz ………………………with 1 KO

Malachia il-Muntun