By Juno lister
It was a fine sunny day for the Bloodbowl final. A re-vamped stadium, more pyrotechnics from San Pedrian Wizard Cucci Fogu . ….no cheerleaders to be seen though.
Valroma City entered the stadium to an eruption of applause. There was no doubt that the whole of Valroma was behind their gallant guards. The players ran on to the field like gods of thunder , it was an inspirational moment which made me almost cry with pride, what a wonderful blood bowl team our city has. They were playing Harbads Heroes.
The shining armour of the city players leapt into action as Dibble kicked-off the final. Heroes new edition Wotsit caught the ball and ran at the City line-out …….it was like a sword against a brick wall ….Wotsit was upended and the ball was eventually retrieved by City’s Grub who swept graceful as a gazelle through the field scoring a city touchdown. The city of Valroma erupted …….1-0 to City
On the restart the game quietened down and Heroes had the ball for a bit…..Wotsit got lucky as Pew(1), whilst being tackled, slipped allowing Wotsit to scoop up the ball and pass it to Skudd who ran for dear life down the right flank. As he was being pursued by the fearsome City, he handed the ball to Koff who scored a very lucky equaliser 1-1
The second half was more of the same City playing extremely attractive fast flowing bloodbowl whilst the Heroes kind of got lucky. On 60 minutes a huge melee on halfway line found the ball being spilled into the hands of Heroes player Koff who ran away with it like a headless chicken. Amazingly he (couldn’t do it again if he tried in my humble opinion) spun, skipped around the City warriors and just happened to fall into the endzone - 2-1 to Heroes. The crowd fell silent …so silent I couldn’t hear the restart whistle……for the huge rackety silence….ahem.
In the dying moments of the match with the cup looking to be stolen from the grasp of the glorious City they launched a last attack. Grub made a clever dummy run in a diagonal towards the endzone taking a multitude of tactically inept Heroes with him. This allowed Dibble the space to go on a heroic run through the field untouched. He handed the ball to Pew(1) who launched into the endzone. The score was 2-2…the ground groaned…..groaned with the strain of the noise being made by the city faithful.
With a few seconds to go the other team played ‘keep ball’ and wouldn’t come out fighting, they knew that if they did city would have won. As it was they played for the penalty kicks.
Best of three kicks was going to decide the cup……
Rash scored his penalty kick for the Heroes in the absolute still air of a brilliant sunny afternoon.
Pew(1) stepped up for City and amazingly the wind blew the ball just wide.
Zar scored the next goal for Heroes…….
Pew(2) bravely ran towards his penalty kick and as he planted his foot down to kick the ball the granite was slippery and the ball hit the post and back out.
It was over, heroes could not lose.
Heroes were given the cup then went home...
Thursday 11 June 2009
Friday 5 June 2009
The Grendel Square Bashing
by Bob Sanweevs
The day all pugilism fans were waiting for the “There can be only one” mega scrap took place at Grendel Square in Valroma City. The San Pedrian Wizard Cucci Fogu lit up the square with pre-fight pyrotechnics, accidentally igniting one of the head cheerleader Donna Blacksmith’s ponytails. The result of which was the last performance by the cheerleader who will be forever known as Donna Kebab. People in the crowd agreed it was a lightening performance by the unfortunate cheerleader. Famed for her pompom work at La Madame’s, it was a shame it ended so quickly as she danced like it was her last dance…….actually it was her last dance…
As the fighters were lead out Wizard Fogu increased his pyromaniac tendencies to the max and soon we had 7 fighters standing in the square looking mean at each other.
There was Sir John Drew ….or ‘Screwy Drewy’ as he is known amongst his fellow knights. Not content on doing what nobility do best namely hobnobing with his peers, dueling and jousting…..oh no this old veteran likes nothing more than getting down to the darkest deepest ghettos of the city and mixing it with the riff-raff. “A true knight fights anyone “ he told me before the fight. Slow but very experienced Sir John would be a force to be reckoned with.
At the other end of the spectrum Zoomo Azz the holder of the championship belt is young inexperienced but full of energy. He entered the arena having taken the belt off of Bad Baz . Sure of himself and full of flashy moves the boy from the ghetto was fully expecting to retain his belt.
Cirillu Ghajn Al-Maqdes, a priest from the Order of the Obsidian Gate ………….. What is a priest doing in what is a essentially a gloried street brawl I asked him? “well my son, sadly the Temple of the Outcast Daemons needs a new roof and donations are pitifully few. If by the blessed Azmet I should win then the prize money would go a long way to reaching our goal!” replied the confident cleric and produced a donations box from him robes, rattling it enthusiastically.
Malachia il-Muntun, a beastman from the Klopp region near San Pedro. There were high hopes for this hard looking fighter resplendent with mighty rams horns! He is reported to have slain the great troll who lived under the bridge of the Rikketii Bridge!
Phantom Power the crowd’s favourite posed his way into the square, his white leggings as white as white, his long locks soft and wavy. His body honed and toned, teeth gleaming in the evening sun, Phantom, known as the People’s Pugilist, was a picture of perfection. He told me before the fight…..”I will fight fair I will fight hard and I will be the people’s champion…..and kids….don’t do mushrooms”
Bad Baz the dreaded Guard form Valroma city had a lot to prove, having already been beaten by a kid, losing his self proclaimed championship……He walked into the square looking very angry and kicked an old lady as she booed him.
The last fighter to appear was Cedric McNasty. No one has seen Cedric’s face and no one knows where he comes from. He never speaks, never shows emotion, he just turns up, points at his intended foe and pummels them into the ground.
So the scene was set and the ref Bryn Craptree shouted the magic word….. “FIGHT!” … the mayhem began.
Sir John wandered over to Zoomo Azz and the pair of them squared off at each other. Sir John raised his fists in pure Queensbury Rules style and started a continual banter at Azz…”come on young lad …come on stick one on me come on mitts up boy” Malachia put head down and charged into Bad Baz. Cirillu stood in the middle of the square, raised his arms out to the side as if summonsing the heavens all around him. Phantom Power was running around the arena giving cheap shots to everyone and the crowd were loving it. Sir John was off-loading on Azz and soon the both of them had to pick themselves off the ground. Phantom Power ran up to Azz as he was on the floor to ‘put the boot in’ but Azz caught him low sending the People’s Pugilist clutching the People’s Parts! Bad Baz knocked out Malachia cold and turned his attentions to Cirillu who promptly disposed of Bad Baz. Cirillu stepped forward and punched Cedric Mc Nasty clean on the chin, Mc Nasty couldn’t beat the count and was out. The People’s Pugilist got up again and looked even more determined to put the boot in on Azz who had been floored again by the Sir John. As Power drew his foot back Azz again planted his foot in Powers groin, Sir John threw Azz down again and this time Cirillu stepped across and kicked him whilst down, knocking him out.
Cirillu, Sir John and Phantom Power were the last three standing. Power disposed of the old knight whilst he was gasping for breath on the floor having been kneed in the stomach. As it looked like Sir John was about to get up Cirillu stamped him into the ground …the crowd were starting to cheer “Bravu Cirillu ghalhekk jghidulu hekk”
Phantom Power relatively fresh from avoiding the scrap to a certain to degree turned on the magic, unleashed a barrage of punches and kicks and as Cirillu fell Power raised his arms and shouted
“I am the people’s champion I defeated all of them …fairly squarely and with style!!! And remember kids….don’t accept berries from strangers!"
So the rankings stand :
Champion Phantom Power with 2 KO s
Contender Cirillu………….with 3 KO s
Sir John Drew…………….
Zoomo Azz…………………with 1 KO (previous fight against Bad Baz)
Cedric Mc Nasty Bad Baz ………………………with 1 KO
Malachia il-Muntun
The day all pugilism fans were waiting for the “There can be only one” mega scrap took place at Grendel Square in Valroma City. The San Pedrian Wizard Cucci Fogu lit up the square with pre-fight pyrotechnics, accidentally igniting one of the head cheerleader Donna Blacksmith’s ponytails. The result of which was the last performance by the cheerleader who will be forever known as Donna Kebab. People in the crowd agreed it was a lightening performance by the unfortunate cheerleader. Famed for her pompom work at La Madame’s, it was a shame it ended so quickly as she danced like it was her last dance…….actually it was her last dance…
As the fighters were lead out Wizard Fogu increased his pyromaniac tendencies to the max and soon we had 7 fighters standing in the square looking mean at each other.
There was Sir John Drew ….or ‘Screwy Drewy’ as he is known amongst his fellow knights. Not content on doing what nobility do best namely hobnobing with his peers, dueling and jousting…..oh no this old veteran likes nothing more than getting down to the darkest deepest ghettos of the city and mixing it with the riff-raff. “A true knight fights anyone “ he told me before the fight. Slow but very experienced Sir John would be a force to be reckoned with.
At the other end of the spectrum Zoomo Azz the holder of the championship belt is young inexperienced but full of energy. He entered the arena having taken the belt off of Bad Baz . Sure of himself and full of flashy moves the boy from the ghetto was fully expecting to retain his belt.
Cirillu Ghajn Al-Maqdes, a priest from the Order of the Obsidian Gate ………….. What is a priest doing in what is a essentially a gloried street brawl I asked him? “well my son, sadly the Temple of the Outcast Daemons needs a new roof and donations are pitifully few. If by the blessed Azmet I should win then the prize money would go a long way to reaching our goal!” replied the confident cleric and produced a donations box from him robes, rattling it enthusiastically.
Malachia il-Muntun, a beastman from the Klopp region near San Pedro. There were high hopes for this hard looking fighter resplendent with mighty rams horns! He is reported to have slain the great troll who lived under the bridge of the Rikketii Bridge!
Phantom Power the crowd’s favourite posed his way into the square, his white leggings as white as white, his long locks soft and wavy. His body honed and toned, teeth gleaming in the evening sun, Phantom, known as the People’s Pugilist, was a picture of perfection. He told me before the fight…..”I will fight fair I will fight hard and I will be the people’s champion…..and kids….don’t do mushrooms”
Bad Baz the dreaded Guard form Valroma city had a lot to prove, having already been beaten by a kid, losing his self proclaimed championship……He walked into the square looking very angry and kicked an old lady as she booed him.
The last fighter to appear was Cedric McNasty. No one has seen Cedric’s face and no one knows where he comes from. He never speaks, never shows emotion, he just turns up, points at his intended foe and pummels them into the ground.
So the scene was set and the ref Bryn Craptree shouted the magic word….. “FIGHT!” … the mayhem began.
Sir John wandered over to Zoomo Azz and the pair of them squared off at each other. Sir John raised his fists in pure Queensbury Rules style and started a continual banter at Azz…”come on young lad …come on stick one on me come on mitts up boy” Malachia put head down and charged into Bad Baz. Cirillu stood in the middle of the square, raised his arms out to the side as if summonsing the heavens all around him. Phantom Power was running around the arena giving cheap shots to everyone and the crowd were loving it. Sir John was off-loading on Azz and soon the both of them had to pick themselves off the ground. Phantom Power ran up to Azz as he was on the floor to ‘put the boot in’ but Azz caught him low sending the People’s Pugilist clutching the People’s Parts! Bad Baz knocked out Malachia cold and turned his attentions to Cirillu who promptly disposed of Bad Baz. Cirillu stepped forward and punched Cedric Mc Nasty clean on the chin, Mc Nasty couldn’t beat the count and was out. The People’s Pugilist got up again and looked even more determined to put the boot in on Azz who had been floored again by the Sir John. As Power drew his foot back Azz again planted his foot in Powers groin, Sir John threw Azz down again and this time Cirillu stepped across and kicked him whilst down, knocking him out.
Cirillu, Sir John and Phantom Power were the last three standing. Power disposed of the old knight whilst he was gasping for breath on the floor having been kneed in the stomach. As it looked like Sir John was about to get up Cirillu stamped him into the ground …the crowd were starting to cheer “Bravu Cirillu ghalhekk jghidulu hekk”
Phantom Power relatively fresh from avoiding the scrap to a certain to degree turned on the magic, unleashed a barrage of punches and kicks and as Cirillu fell Power raised his arms and shouted
“I am the people’s champion I defeated all of them …fairly squarely and with style!!! And remember kids….don’t accept berries from strangers!"
So the rankings stand :
Champion Phantom Power with 2 KO s
Contender Cirillu………….with 3 KO s
Sir John Drew…………….
Zoomo Azz…………………with 1 KO (previous fight against Bad Baz)
Cedric Mc Nasty Bad Baz ………………………with 1 KO
Malachia il-Muntun
Wednesday 3 June 2009
Endzone Merger
the Editor
With the rise in popularity of the seedy backstreet fight scene Endzone Report is branching out.
Sports fans can look forward to not only the best coverage of all the top blood bowl matches in and around The Grand Duchy of Valroma but also fight reports and profiles of the city’s top ranked fighters.
With a name change we have now become Endzone & Pugilist and would like to welcome veteran fight commentator Bob Sanweevs to the team.
With the rise in popularity of the seedy backstreet fight scene Endzone Report is branching out.
Sports fans can look forward to not only the best coverage of all the top blood bowl matches in and around The Grand Duchy of Valroma but also fight reports and profiles of the city’s top ranked fighters.
With a name change we have now become Endzone & Pugilist and would like to welcome veteran fight commentator Bob Sanweevs to the team.
Tuesday 2 June 2009
Official VBC Press Release
In response to Harbads Heroes suggesting that there is racism in the halls of the VBC, the right honourable president of the commition Ambrose Blacke has replied
"Absolutely there is racism. We didn't want those skanky horrible Ork ruffians anywhere near the cup but unfortunately they won and reluctantly we had togive them the cup ….however the journalist Juno lister is not an employee of the VBC and we have no control over the scribes at Endzone or what they write. However we have it on good authority that Mr Lister was last seen being bundled into a prison cart whilst on his way to submit his match report. The reason for his incarceration is not known but rumours suggests that the report is being rewritten as we speak and upon his release the report will be published as City …I mean Endzone Reports sees fit"
Monday 1 June 2009
Green Disrimination
by Guido de Groot
A row has been slowly brewing in Valroma since the final of the Dukes Cup and the ugly word ‘racism’ rearing its head! The cause..? Harbads Heroes dissatisfaction of their treatment by the VBC following their upset win over Valroma City and namely the lack of any reporting by the VBC official reporter Juno Lister.
The much scorned Heroes were rank underdogs to win the cup but they romped to victory, winning in a nail biting penalty shoot-out in extra time. The final of this prestigious new tournament has still to be reported in the official VBC press prompting outrage from team captain ‘Rash’ Gaarhgon.
“We’s wun fare n skware! Dowz gurls in da Gards kudunt hak i’ an now Vowrowma iz tryin to pretend id neva ‘happend! We deemandz ar just rekognishun! IZ ID KOZ WEE IZ GREEN?!!
The fans are still waiting for an official response from the VBC
A row has been slowly brewing in Valroma since the final of the Dukes Cup and the ugly word ‘racism’ rearing its head! The cause..? Harbads Heroes dissatisfaction of their treatment by the VBC following their upset win over Valroma City and namely the lack of any reporting by the VBC official reporter Juno Lister.
The much scorned Heroes were rank underdogs to win the cup but they romped to victory, winning in a nail biting penalty shoot-out in extra time. The final of this prestigious new tournament has still to be reported in the official VBC press prompting outrage from team captain ‘Rash’ Gaarhgon.
“We’s wun fare n skware! Dowz gurls in da Gards kudunt hak i’ an now Vowrowma iz tryin to pretend id neva ‘happend! We deemandz ar just rekognishun! IZ ID KOZ WEE IZ GREEN?!!
The fans are still waiting for an official response from the VBC
Wednesday 20 May 2009
There Can Be Only One!
by Juno Lister
A row has erupted over the new sporting craze that is sweeping Valroma. Prize fighting although not new to Valroma has been an underground affair unregulated and poorly followed due to exaggerations in records, inflated reputations and fraudulent claims of overall supremacy. The Guards Association of Sports and Hobbies (GASH) has made huge steps forward in trying to organise the dirty world of pit fighting last week by appointing their number 1 pugilist Bad Baz as champion. On a grey evening in Grendel Square he took on all comers and despatched them all in a crazy circus like stunt only to come unstuck by a teenager from down town Valroma called Zoomo Azz. Not to take anything away from the Teenage Terror whose tenacity and raw violence upended Bad Baz....but Bad Baz has complained he was tired and it wasn't fair that his title belt was given to Azz. GASH has signed up Azz and although Baz and Azz’s relationship is rocky they share the same camp and the atmosphere in the gym is apparently very icy.
Out on the harsh desolate plains beyond the southernmost provinces of Valroma live the tribal folk. The feudal unrest between tribes is often very volatile but over the last few decades pit fighting has been a means of settling scores, all out war being far too devastating the small tribal populations. They have a very active pit fighting culture and leader of the Hawk Eye tribe Chief Jaiya has petitioned GASH demanding that their inter-tribe champion Shaka Firestorm must be in line to contend for the Valroma Championship. Bad Baz has claimed he should be allowed to fight to get his belt back first. There have been several other fighters who are staking a claim to the title also, a certain Malachia Il-Muntun a goat headed beastman from the Klopp region north of San Pedro and strangely Cirillu Ghajn Al-Maqdes a priest from one of the many obscure temples in Valroma city.
In order to settle the title belt once and for all GASH decided that they would appoint a body of respected individuals on to a panel called the Valroma Unified Fighters League VUFL. Representatives from the major pit fighting and pugilist camps have met and it has been decided that the best fighters in the land will meet in Grendel Square in Valroma City. They will all be thrown into a fighting area and the last man standing will be the Real Champion. As fighter by fighter falls his name will be placed on a ranking ladder and the higher up the ladder.
The VUFL have also announced that in the pipe line they are planning to have a tag team championship. They will announce fight cards ahead of the event and take the VUFL to the provinces so fans all over Valroma can see the fighters who they reckon will soon be legends.
Former Pit Fighter Mack McMinus has laughed at these plans........" Taking pit fighting to a larger audience is nonsense ...in my day it were real fighting, Grannies were the biggest fans & I can't see it appealing to the wider public...they are even talking of having the Wizards Guild provide pyrotechnics and Bards to introduce them onto the square...it's all too razzle dazzle for me....it will never catch on"
Time will tell .......bring it on!
A row has erupted over the new sporting craze that is sweeping Valroma. Prize fighting although not new to Valroma has been an underground affair unregulated and poorly followed due to exaggerations in records, inflated reputations and fraudulent claims of overall supremacy. The Guards Association of Sports and Hobbies (GASH) has made huge steps forward in trying to organise the dirty world of pit fighting last week by appointing their number 1 pugilist Bad Baz as champion. On a grey evening in Grendel Square he took on all comers and despatched them all in a crazy circus like stunt only to come unstuck by a teenager from down town Valroma called Zoomo Azz. Not to take anything away from the Teenage Terror whose tenacity and raw violence upended Bad Baz....but Bad Baz has complained he was tired and it wasn't fair that his title belt was given to Azz. GASH has signed up Azz and although Baz and Azz’s relationship is rocky they share the same camp and the atmosphere in the gym is apparently very icy.
Out on the harsh desolate plains beyond the southernmost provinces of Valroma live the tribal folk. The feudal unrest between tribes is often very volatile but over the last few decades pit fighting has been a means of settling scores, all out war being far too devastating the small tribal populations. They have a very active pit fighting culture and leader of the Hawk Eye tribe Chief Jaiya has petitioned GASH demanding that their inter-tribe champion Shaka Firestorm must be in line to contend for the Valroma Championship. Bad Baz has claimed he should be allowed to fight to get his belt back first. There have been several other fighters who are staking a claim to the title also, a certain Malachia Il-Muntun a goat headed beastman from the Klopp region north of San Pedro and strangely Cirillu Ghajn Al-Maqdes a priest from one of the many obscure temples in Valroma city.
In order to settle the title belt once and for all GASH decided that they would appoint a body of respected individuals on to a panel called the Valroma Unified Fighters League VUFL. Representatives from the major pit fighting and pugilist camps have met and it has been decided that the best fighters in the land will meet in Grendel Square in Valroma City. They will all be thrown into a fighting area and the last man standing will be the Real Champion. As fighter by fighter falls his name will be placed on a ranking ladder and the higher up the ladder.
The VUFL have also announced that in the pipe line they are planning to have a tag team championship. They will announce fight cards ahead of the event and take the VUFL to the provinces so fans all over Valroma can see the fighters who they reckon will soon be legends.
Former Pit Fighter Mack McMinus has laughed at these plans........" Taking pit fighting to a larger audience is nonsense ...in my day it were real fighting, Grannies were the biggest fans & I can't see it appealing to the wider public...they are even talking of having the Wizards Guild provide pyrotechnics and Bards to introduce them onto the square...it's all too razzle dazzle for me....it will never catch on"
Time will tell .......bring it on!
Friday 15 May 2009
Bad Baz Knocked Out By Teenage Terror
by Juno lister
There is a new kid on the block, remember this name ......Zoomo Azz
Bad Baz had been knocking out wannabe pugilists all evening in Grendel Square in Valroma City. A large crowd had built up as the Guard dispatched all comers. Then up stepped a young man barely in his adulthood called Zoomo Azz. The crowd winced as Azz was put down time after time and as he appeared on his last legs Bad Baz missed two big shots and with that Azz stepped up and put him on his backside.
Baz beat the count and looked drained himself. He went to head-butt the young gun but the youthful Azz sidestepped and planted a knee on the blundering guards chin sending him to sleep. When Bad Baz was counted out the square erupted.....Zoomo Azz was given a championship belt that had been round Bad Baz's waist........A GASH official lifted Azz's arm and declared......The new champion of Valroma......................... Zoomo Azz
Rumour has it Azz has tonight been recruited by the Guards and offered a contract with GASH. Bad Baz left the square after blasting out a warning to Azz
"that belt is on loan ....I’m taking it back ...and when I do I will break you in two!!!!!"
There is a new kid on the block, remember this name ......Zoomo Azz
Bad Baz had been knocking out wannabe pugilists all evening in Grendel Square in Valroma City. A large crowd had built up as the Guard dispatched all comers. Then up stepped a young man barely in his adulthood called Zoomo Azz. The crowd winced as Azz was put down time after time and as he appeared on his last legs Bad Baz missed two big shots and with that Azz stepped up and put him on his backside.
Baz beat the count and looked drained himself. He went to head-butt the young gun but the youthful Azz sidestepped and planted a knee on the blundering guards chin sending him to sleep. When Bad Baz was counted out the square erupted.....Zoomo Azz was given a championship belt that had been round Bad Baz's waist........A GASH official lifted Azz's arm and declared......The new champion of Valroma......................... Zoomo Azz
Rumour has it Azz has tonight been recruited by the Guards and offered a contract with GASH. Bad Baz left the square after blasting out a warning to Azz
"that belt is on loan ....I’m taking it back ...and when I do I will break you in two!!!!!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)