San Pedro Rams 1 Valroma City 2

Juno Lister

Valroma City
1 Pew
2 Pew
3 Barney
4 McGrue
5 Cuthbert
6 Dibble
7 Grub

San Pedro Rams
1 Mikiel MUFSID
2 Bertu L-Bokser
3 Kalcidon il-Fatat
4 Pietru L-Hafi
5 Nikol il-Gard
6 Censu l-Bari
7 Wenzu l-Haxxej




After the euphoria of the legalisation of Bloodbowl in Valroma the last
few weeks have been fairly quiet on the games front. It was only a matter of time however before the worst kept secret in the land would be made public... the Valroma City Guard were to form a squad and become the cities official team.

There was no small amount of speculation as to why City's debut
match was to be played away in the sleepy protectorate of San Pedro, some three hundred miles to the south. When questioned, team
manager Captain Snort replied "we just want to bring the sport to the provinces". The word on the street however was that the 'Guards'
wanted to show the provintials who was boss and beat them into their home turf!

Since forming their team the San Pedro Rams had not been able to get
a single game so when the official letter was received in the village that Valroma City were coming to them the village went into Bloodbowl fever.

The whole village were prepared and everything was thought of...except when City trundled in to the train station at the bottom of the cliffs there was no transport for them upto the heights of San Pedro. After two hours of lugging their equipment to the village salt was added to the wounds as the cab drivers were stood with their horses applauding the hapless Guards turned bloodbowl players. It took the local San Pedro Guards several hours to extract the same cabbies heads out of their frantic horses backsides! A spokesperson for the San Pedro Guards confirmed no arrests were made and it was all a big mistake. The local San Pedro folk are fear foul play and that Guards stick together no matter where they are from.
So exactly how two San Pedro guards ended up hands bound to a pole outside the city walls, trousers around their ankles, genitals plastered in jam near a field of bee hives with a sign dangled around their necks saying "I'm a guard first San Pedrian second" is probably not the mystery that the local Guards claim it to be.

The Patcho Grasso ground was full ...over 2,500 people were in attendance
with many red faced, sweaty and tired City supporters (due of course to the
lack of cabbies to ferry them up from the station). Green flags were flying
all around and the local San Pedro band played their traditional music. The
ground erupted when the teams came out and no one felt the Rams had a
chance and everyone was expecting carnage. The referee was a man by the
name of Saref Sabastad, or at least that is what a local told me.

Sabastad pulled up the Rams on two succesive occasions right on kick-off
for infringements. A discussion ensued on the pitch and rule differences
were ironed out and not before time. To the home crowd's delight the plucky
rams charged at City after Captain Mufsid launched the ball into the City
half. Carnage did indeed ensue but it was City who were surprisingly on the
receiving end with Pew, McGrue and Barney all being steam rollered to the
ground by the Rams charging line men.This wasn't going according to the
script! Pew's brother...Pew viciously attacked Bertu il-Bokser who skilfully
side stepped and brought down the guard with a lethal right hook to the jaw
knocking him clean out .

The first twenty minutes of the game was literally a bloodbath and it
appeared the Rams were coming off better, the ball bobbed around the pitch
seemingly just a bit part in the game when a loose ball was pounced upon by
City's Grub right under the nose of the heroic Bertu il-Bokser. Grub spotted
McGrue sprinting into the Rams half with the home team racing to shut him
down. Grub spotted a gap in the line and ran clean through to score himself
on the 30 minute mark leaving a helpless Wenzu il-il-Haxxej eating his dust.
City were indeed the real deal. No one could have predicted that from the
kick-off Rams captain and catcher Mikiel Mufsid would scoop up the ball and
run into the endzone to equalize the match just before half-time.

The band went into overdrive ......then fell silent as the Valroma city band
turned up at the ground after lugging their instruments up the hill. The
half time entertainment was second to none as San Pedro Village band
were forced to leave the ground with instruments in pieces as the City band
decided they were better and explained the fact to the villagers .....giving
"Battle of the bands" a whole new meaning.

City came out in the second half in high spirits and with their band behind
them they set about the Rams with a spring in their step....looking like a
dodgy line dancing troop on a summer holiday down by the great lake. The
Rams fought bravely but City kept hold of the ball and on the 70th minute
when all thought that San Pedro had pulled off the impossible City catcher
Grub found a way into the Ram's Endzone. Dibble had the ball around the
half way line, in front of him raged a midfield punch up, he paused for a
second pulled his arm back, spotted Grub's run and launched the ball.....
the whole of San Pedro held it's breath the ball soared through the air
rotating, spinning straight into Grubs outstretched hands.
2-1 to City.

The Rams didn't have enough time to respond and at the final whistle
chased Saref Sabastad into his dressing room adding confusion to us
journalists as they were calling him Saref Safarkinbastad ?!?!?!?

San Pedro journalist Padre Hilario told me later

"We are a small team eh! We play to the best of our ability and God willing
we will get results, we must be gracious in defeat and not do deese tings to
da ref after da match. We should nail da tosser during d game, dat way he
doesn't carry on making Alla! shit decisions.......God bless you "

100 gold piece prize fight

by Juno lister

Following the dissapointing news that his shop Neyk Sports was burgled, San Pedro Prize fighter Cenzu Gonbailas held a press conference at his shop on the High Street. Gonbailas a black belt in the San Pedrian martial art Haq Al-bala was angered so much by the fact that his store was broken into that he has pledged to fight in the pits once more .
The sight of Gonbailas running through the dusty street of San Pedro followed by a hoarde of young San Pedrians screaming and shouting his name is a sight ...........yet to happen........... Gonbailas regularly dishes out his trademark Gonad flick trick to any heckler that dares disturb his strict training routine.that and the fact he smells and none of the kids like him. He is however a very popular chap amongst the men that congregate in the bars around the town square and for a pint he will perform his other trademark the Gonbailas Stumble. Gonbailas used this technique for the first time against Ganni L-Loki who had Gonbailas on his last legs and just as he moved in for the kill Gonbailas stumbled forward into L-Loki and headbutted him sending him to the ground. Since then Gonbailas showboat's this stumble and as the pints come flowing they get more and more theatrical. His promoter Joey Di Fazer took time off from his market stall to explain

"Ehhh Cenzu is de best fighter in da Valroma he has done lots of styles of fightin like boxin and de kickin boxin, Tee kwen doo and of course Haq Al-Bala. I am going to put a purse of 100 gold pieces forward for any fighter who will beats Gonbailas......I will keep my money and many fighters will lose deir reputations. I expect every San Pedro man , woman, child and goat to support our hero"

.....so far no one has taken him up on the deal.

Due to the fact that Nejk Sports have no yellow materials for the San Pedro Rams Bloodbowl team kits they will now be playing in green. The guards trail of the twin yellow lines has lead them to Butterfly Street in West side Valroma where they have questioned at length San Pedro's most famous son Charlie il-King the co-proprieter of the Dragonfly tavern. Interrogation took place at the pub late into the night and involved loud raucous singing and dancing.

Padre Hilario is on the scene and we are awaiting a report back from him but so far his reports have been incomprehendible

Padre Hilario's Sunday Service

Translated by Juno Lister

Hi There Sports fan,
San Pedro's finest prize fighter Cenzu Gonbailas has been seen out pounding the streets this week ......you mean he is actually running I hear you say? No he was literally hitting the street with his fists following the news that his sports wear shop........Neyk Sports was burgled last weekend. No money or valuables have been stolen but only yellow material and paint. Cynics are pointing the finger at the Banda Filomarnika San Pedro who are rumoured to be unhappy that the San Pedro Rams are to play in the Yellow of Banda San Pedro as agreed when their representative Blood bowl teams met last month to decide the team and colours.
San Pedro Guards are following a few leads. Sergeant Garzia said that they have found a trail of two yellow lines painted on the streets of downtown Valroma. He also said how impressed he was with the Valroma City Guard stopping carts from driving over the evisence and fining anyone stopping anywhere near them.

picture: two of San Pedro's finest on the case

Endzone's Newest Sports Correspondent

by Juno Lister

Padre Hilario is the latest roving reporter to join the Endzone team.
One of San Pedro 's clergy he will keep us abreast of what is going on in the that strange little village behind the mountains. He will be the first on scene travelling with the Rams as they come into the city to test their skills against the finest Bloodbowl teams in the duchy. He will make it his point to ensure The Rams' spiritual needs are catered for whilst on tour.....even in Butterfly Street ....ahem.
Hailing from San Pedro himself Padre Hilario, a fully ordained man of the cloth, has often come into dispute with his superior Padre Zammitello for failing to wear his robes and putting closed signs on his chapel at the bottom of the High Street when major sporting events are taking place.

We tried to get a comment from the newest member of our team but unfortunately when we turned up at the chapel we could see through the window that his dog-collar and robe were hanging up with a sign on the door saying

"Closed ....go bless yourselves "

It may be pure coincidence but there was indeed donkey racing taking place in the village at the time

Behind the Mountains or Wound up The Wall ?

By Juno Lister

Hi there bloodbowl fans today I bring you this report in the far far south from the village of San Pedro. Although often described as behind the mountains the village is in fact on a plateau halfway up the Western Wall. It's human population are simple folk who speak in a completely different dialect to the rest of Valroma. I am here to bear witness to the fact that Bloodbowl has spread even to the outer regions. Bloodbowl or Bladbowel as it is known here is played between two teams which are representatives of the two band clubs that grace the streets of San Pedro at Festa time.

As I approached the village along a dusty winding path I could see the domed shaped church surrounded by yellow block brick houses,all sporting huge flag poles with either yellow or green flags attached. Yellow , the colour of the Banda San Pedro whose club house or Kazin is situated on San Pedro High Street and the green the colour of Il-Banda Filomarnika San Pedro whose rather grander Kazin is situated right next to the Church of San Pedro.

The one Bloodbowl pitch is a white gravel affair called Il-Grownd Patcho-Grasso. Today the two band clubs were playing head to head. Most of the village turned out and the hand-held whistling fireworks were only drowned out by the thunderous petards exploding over head as the two teams prepared to engage in what were trials for the first ever San Pedro Bloodbowl team to be known as The Rams. To coincide with the two bloodbowl teams joining forces the two bands played jubilous marches throughout the event.

The Valroma Bloodbowl Commission kindly sent Rack Myley their top referee to officiate this event. What followed was a highly charged game of bloodbowl somewhat lacking in skill but these rather stunt, barrel-chested men were full of enthusiasm. Rather strangely the yellows won by two touchdowns to nothing, both scored by catcher Mikiel Mufsid. Mufsid once had a trial with a team in Valroma city before Blodbowl was legal but the Guards raided the team before he could play and he fled back to San Pedro .I spoke to Mufsid who said:

" I am glad to be part of de team. I wish we had a trower to help me but I will do all de running and de linesmans dey will keep de udder players away from me eh!"

As the Yellows won it was decided that the San Pedro Rams would play in yellow with green trim. The team chosen by veteran underground bloodbowler Carmel il-Buzu who will be the head coach is as follows:

1 Mikiel Mufsid catcher
2 Bertu il-Bokser lineman
3 Kalcidon il-Fatat lineman
4 Pietru il-Hafi lineman
5 Nikol il -Gard lineman
6 Cenzu il-Bari lineman
7 Wenzu l-Haxxej lineman

Guards Guards

by Guido de Groot

It would seem our fair city finally has its own official bloodbowl team, sanctioned and sponsored by the Duke himself. Newly formed Valroma City registered today with the VBC and I can predict there will be a lot of teams wanting to have a crack at them...the team is made up from members of the City Guard! Oh boy, form an in-orderly cue here.

The Guard are being very tight lipped at the moment, team coach has yet to me named and the squad hasn't been picked. Team trials are being held this week at East Dock Barracks so get down there over the coming week and show them your support, or throw a few bottles.

Rats hold the Dragons

By Juno Lister

Having been treated to the spectacle of Bloodbowl last weekend Maak Farler productions staged another match in the West brook Market square . Rike Mayley walked out into the centre of the pitch with the ball as Farler introduced the teams to a 200 strong crowd. The Black Bay Dragons returned from the Water’s Edge again but where were the other team. An iron grate flew out of the ground by the Pissing Wall, a slow drumming could be heard from underground, pounding ,beating, getting quicker at the point the drumming was at a roll. Out from the sewer came the red armour clad Doom Town Rats. This Skaven team under new management of Aaro Noodal had specifically requested to meet the new kids on the block after their disposal of the Heroes. It appears that there is an unlikely alliance between the two clubs to play a series of friendly matches (if there can ever truely be such a thing in bloodbowl - Ed) . As Aaro Noodal is not a registered coach these matches will not be sanctioned by the Valroma Bloodbowl Commision

The Rats lined up with
Sidney Skab
Scally Wag
'Scary boy'
Doom
Cheesy Dood
Spike
Dumpy Snot Breath
Gob Beldoff

The Dragons were unchanged from the Heroes game.

The rats kicked off and it looked like it was going to be plain sailing for the Dragon’s with Talon receiving a long pass from thrower Moondancer and then sprinting unchallenged into the endzone.

The rest of the half will be remembered for constant ball fumbles from both teams and the sheer vicious nature of the Rats .With 5 minutes remaining for the half time whistle Rat’s thrower Wag picked up a stray bobbling ball and chose to throw to catcher Skab who made a gutsy impressive sprint to the endzone . The rats had equalised . The rats were crushing the Dragons as they lined up after the touchdown with only three players . Luckily the halftime whistle went and the Dragons were able to field four players at the re start.

The second half pretty much followed suit and Moondancer straight from the kick off capitalised on poor rats ball control, picked the ball up and skipped down through the gappy Rats line up and scored a touchdown. This is where it all started going wrong for the Dragons. The rats attacked and attacked the Dragons with spitefull and crushing blows and at one point Gob Beldoff having punched Crash Talon limp on his feet poised himself to finish him off and just allowed him to fall after all this was only a friendly. With minutes remaining only Lildew was left standing, Gob Beldoff seeing that Spike was dashing into an empty Dragons half converted a long throw that was pinpoint accurate. Spike dashed towards the endzone ball in hand . Lildew raced across the pitch sprinting at this last ditch attempt to hold on to the lead he launched at Spike who shrugged him off sending Lildew crashing to the ground . This allowed other Dragons players to pick themselves off the ground but The rats had already surrounded their hero blitzer Spike who calmly walked into the endzone unchallenged 2-2.

There was only enough time for The Dragon’s to receive the ball and run at the Rats before Mayley ended what was a very entertaining game . The Dragons had only three players standing at the end and were thankful for the whistle.

Final score Black Bay Dragons 2 Doom Town Rats 2

BSH Tribute

by Guido de Groot

Team-mates paid tribute to fallen blocker BSH last night at the roudy post game bar-b-q.

Team captain 'Rash' Gaarhgon commented as he pasted round a large platter of cooked meat

"he wasnt a very good blocker but at least there is plenty to go round..."

JADED HEROES SEEN MOONLIGHTING

by Anshi La Rippen

Confirmed sources spotted the failed Bloodbowl team Harbad's Heroes moonlighting
as staff at the newly opened La Madames's in Butterfly Street in West Valroma.
Reports that the Orks were carrying tables chairs and boxes into the venue and remaining there until the small hours have been stengthened by the fact that the West Quarter Guards had to enter the building following a disturbance between two members of staff at the Brothel.Exactly why it took six guards 3 hours to deal with the situation and allegedly leaving in various states of undress is not clear. Captain Fenglu Arrugia of the Butterfly Street Safer Neighbourhood Guards stated
"Guards are expected to build bridges with the community we guard......this was purely a community reaching exercise"

La Madame was unavailable to comment.

DRAGON'S RUN RIOT !

by Juno Lister

Hi there sports fans ,
It's very rare out here in the El Braaken district on the west side of Valroma to report on a decent sporting event , where the usual pastime is hog racing but last weekend two Bloodbowl teams trundled into the market area by the West Brook river.
The strange Dark Elf team Black Bay Dragons, appeared in the area recently, having set up camp right upon the West Brook invited the Ork team Harbad's Heroes to a mix up at the market place. A pitch was lined out by Market Owner Maak Farler..

Black Bay Dragons starting line up:
1. Jermiah LILDEW capt. (blitzer)
5. Fumwe MOONDANCER (thrower)
7. Crash TALON (catcher)
11.Spitz VENOM (line)
12 Sumwe CARATHUIL (line)
13 Davril OMRAS (line)
14 Slash THURILL (line)

Harbads Heroes starting line up:
1. 'Rash' GAARHGON capt. (blitzer)
2. Gripper KHAAN (blitzer)
4. 'Heavy D' (blocker)
6. 'BSH' (blocker)
20. SKUDD (thrower)
24. ZAARH (catcher)
25. KOFF (catcher)

A relatively large crowd of 200 town folk descended on the market and a carnival atmosphere was shattered by an unfortunate incident involving a set of bards and a didgeridoo which caused a large section of the crowd to riot which meant that the match was delayed by 25 mins. Thankfully order was restored by the Guards, the digderidoo was removed from the offending orifice and the bards continued playing well into the night.

The game started explosively after a clumsy Heroes kick off. Referee Rike Myley penalised The Dragons Carathuil for encroachment offences. .The Dragons' lineman Thurill thumped out Heroes’ huge blocker 'BSH' as the two teams clashed in the middle of the park and Carathuil upended Gripper Khaan. Khaan, the Heroes' secondary blitzer tried to get up again but Carathuil was too quick for the Ork and slammed him down again . The Heroes hardly touched the ball from their very clumsy kick off and after an almighty scrap in midfield neither team could break the deadlock in this a very physical game. Dragon thrower Fumwe Moondancer was injured by a head-butt from thrower Skudd, going down heavily concussed and stayed in that state for the rest of the evening...Jerimiah Lildew returned the favour and caught Skudd with a right knee to the chin knocking the Ork clean out.

Halftime couldn't come quick enough for the Heroes although surprisingly they lined up with a full team for the second half whilst the Dragons seemed jaded and fielded two short with Moondancer out and Omras not getting back out on the field still dazed by the first half's crushing efforts.

The Dragon’s kicked off the second half, Skudd picked up the ball and ran at the Dragons .Crash Talon rushed headlong into a sea of Heroes in response and was promptly disposed off by the marauding 'BSH' . Talon joined Moondancer in the dugout both nursing injuries .Jerimiah Lildew seemed intent on taking Skudd out of the game and again clattered him to the ground with a vicious forearm to the jaw sending the ball spinning and bobbing around like the famed prize fighter Tike Mason. Lildew finally brought the ball under control, he looked up and sent a pinpoint perfect long throw whizzing across the pitch to the opposite flank where Spitz Venom was making a dash into space, the ball was within Venom’s grasp but somehow it span out of his hands.The ball bounced to the ground and continued it’s merry dance as if free from it’s capters only to be retrieved by Venom who dashed to the Endzone to score a 70th minute touch down.

Dragon’s kicked off again...they knew they only had to shut out the Heroes for 10 minutes and they would record their first win in Valroma. Crash Talon returned to the lineout having recovered from being knocked out. He was pacing in the Dragon’s half spitting and cursing as he eyed up BSH who was taunting the young Dark Elf catcher. As the ball sailed into the Heroes half Talon and BSH made a bee line for each other and met in the midfield the crowd winced as the two came together both knocked cleanly to the ground a deafening clatter and a crack could be heard over the now cheering crowd . Gripper Khaan had hold of the ball and was trundling towards the Dragons endzone There were minutes on the clock Zaarh had slipped through the now depleting Dragon’s defence and awaited to receive a throw from Khaan. The ball was however disappointing and it span haplessly out of control and bounced around a bit. It was at this point it became apparent that BSH was motionless. The final whistle was blown by Myley and pandemonium broke out in the square suddenly red and purple flags were being waved and the Dragon’s celebrated with their new found support. One can’t help but think that given another 10 minutes the Heroes looked destined to equalize but it wasn’t to be

The Heroes team were carrying BSH off the field, his neck broken, he died instantly at the hands of Crash Talon who was being lead away on a stretcher but will live to fight another day. The Dragon’s carts drove away from the square bound for the Brookside and a chanting of “No more Heroes anymore “ could be heard by tired and weary voices

Final score Harbad’s Heroes 0 Black Bay Dragons 1

Press release from the VBC

Bloodbowl comes to Valroma

Welcome sports fans to Endzone, the voice of the VBC (Valroma Bloodbowl Commission), Bloodbowl comes to the Grand Duchy of Valroma! Thats right you heard it here first, after years of petitioning by the VBC a charter has finally been granted to legally stage games and tournaments within the city and outlying regions.

After decades of illegal underground matches (literally sometimes, down in the sewers! - Ed) teams and fans alike can enjoy the bloody game without having to keep one eye on the game and the other looking out for the City Guard. A purpose built ground is currently under construction in the west quarter near to the West Gate.

So grab your colours and rattles (& bass knuckles – Ed) and get out there and support your teams.

Press office VBC