Teams Go Missing !

by I. P. Dayley

With only four days to go till the Dukes Cup tournament The Dark Bay Dragons are training hard, finalising tactics and set plays, the San Pedro Rams are still en route amid a carnival of fans and hanger-ons but what of Valroma City and the failing Harbads Heroes? Nothing has been seen or heard of from these two teams for several months, fuelling speculation and playing into the hands of conspiracy theorists! Representatives for both teams have filed all the correct applications and paid the appropriate brides in a timely fashion but with the mandatory presentation of the teams themselves to the commission the day before the tournament fast approaching fears and rumours abound of a disappointing two team tournament.
Following the success and growing celebrity status of the ‘Guards’ the Valroma City Watch reportedly transferred the whole team and coaching staff to the neighbouring territory of The Gorge to man the local watchtower. A spokesman said this would serve the twin purpose of once again manning the old disused tower and keep the team away from the temptations of Valroma city with the upcoming season looming. With The Gorge being a sparsely populated area and posing little or no danger no thought had been given to the City’s finest but now with days to go rumours are starting to fly. Have they run afoul of bandits? No one knows and the City Watch is being very tight lipped.
The Heroes have not been seen in valroma city since their crushing defeat against the Dragons last year but the word on the street is they have gone out into the wilds looking for the mysterious Darkmagi. Who or what is Darkmagi? Some say a fabled coach from another plane of existence, others say a cult of magicians. No one knows for sure, have the Heroes found a messiahanic new coach or come to a sticky end at the hands of evil cultists?
Two top teams both mysteriously absent so close to this prestigious tournament, coincidence or foul play? These two teams could hardly be more different, the Guards fine upstanding protectors of our fine city, the Heroes shady rogues of dubious virtue but there are some in the back streets of down town Valroma who whisper that this fabled Darkmagi has indeed been found and both the Heroes and the Guards were actually at a joint secret training camp. Could the conspiracy theorist be correct? Are the two teams in cahoots? Impossible some would say but this is bloodbowl let us not forget. Only time will tell.
La Madam has issued a statement that she had got the Darby & Juno OAP club to round up some volunteers to form a stand-in team, let’s hope that won’t be necessary (not quite sure what the rules have to say about Zimmer frames on the pitch but lawyers are currently investigating).

Duke's Cup 09

by Juno Lister


As the summer fast approaches on the good citizens of Valroma pre-season training is in full swing. The first of the new season's tournaments is the Duke's Cup held at the New Westgate Stadium in downtown Valroma City.

The four teams competing for this prestigious trophy which is to be played in a knockout format are:
The Black Bay Dragons - the vicious Dark Elf team.
San Pedro Rams - the strange town folk from way down South. Yet to win a game of course but these plucky villagers are looking to avenge the defeat by this tournament's hosts.
Valroma City - the team of proud guards of our capital finest are starting to enjoy celebrity status due to off-field activities in the off season, none more so than the Pew brothers who won the popular contest 'Valroma's Got Talent' by shoving 235 frogs down a detainee's throat in one minute smashing the old record by 100 frogs.
Harbad's Heros - once hailed as the team to watch out for paled into insignificance last season with that bone crunching defeat by the Dragons.

So the draw was rigged as follows

Harbad's Heroes v San Pedro Rams

Valroma City v Black Bay Dragons

The winner of each going head-to-head for the Duke's Cup. The third place will be determined on touchdowns scored
So where will you be next weekend? Rumour has it the Rams have already set off from the hills to a ticker tape send off together with over hundred supporters in a convoy of donkey pulled carts. It is also rumoured that the popular San Pedro folk band Green Sleeves are also travelling to the capital and will be playing at the Dragonfly Tavern in Butterfly street supporting the popular Spriggan Moist . So everyone else will probably go to La Madame's until the main act comes on stage .

San Pedro Rams 1 Valroma City 2

Juno Lister

Valroma City
1 Pew
2 Pew
3 Barney
4 McGrue
5 Cuthbert
6 Dibble
7 Grub

San Pedro Rams
1 Mikiel MUFSID
2 Bertu L-Bokser
3 Kalcidon il-Fatat
4 Pietru L-Hafi
5 Nikol il-Gard
6 Censu l-Bari
7 Wenzu l-Haxxej




After the euphoria of the legalisation of Bloodbowl in Valroma the last
few weeks have been fairly quiet on the games front. It was only a matter of time however before the worst kept secret in the land would be made public... the Valroma City Guard were to form a squad and become the cities official team.

There was no small amount of speculation as to why City's debut
match was to be played away in the sleepy protectorate of San Pedro, some three hundred miles to the south. When questioned, team
manager Captain Snort replied "we just want to bring the sport to the provinces". The word on the street however was that the 'Guards'
wanted to show the provintials who was boss and beat them into their home turf!

Since forming their team the San Pedro Rams had not been able to get
a single game so when the official letter was received in the village that Valroma City were coming to them the village went into Bloodbowl fever.

The whole village were prepared and everything was thought of...except when City trundled in to the train station at the bottom of the cliffs there was no transport for them upto the heights of San Pedro. After two hours of lugging their equipment to the village salt was added to the wounds as the cab drivers were stood with their horses applauding the hapless Guards turned bloodbowl players. It took the local San Pedro Guards several hours to extract the same cabbies heads out of their frantic horses backsides! A spokesperson for the San Pedro Guards confirmed no arrests were made and it was all a big mistake. The local San Pedro folk are fear foul play and that Guards stick together no matter where they are from.
So exactly how two San Pedro guards ended up hands bound to a pole outside the city walls, trousers around their ankles, genitals plastered in jam near a field of bee hives with a sign dangled around their necks saying "I'm a guard first San Pedrian second" is probably not the mystery that the local Guards claim it to be.

The Patcho Grasso ground was full ...over 2,500 people were in attendance
with many red faced, sweaty and tired City supporters (due of course to the
lack of cabbies to ferry them up from the station). Green flags were flying
all around and the local San Pedro band played their traditional music. The
ground erupted when the teams came out and no one felt the Rams had a
chance and everyone was expecting carnage. The referee was a man by the
name of Saref Sabastad, or at least that is what a local told me.

Sabastad pulled up the Rams on two succesive occasions right on kick-off
for infringements. A discussion ensued on the pitch and rule differences
were ironed out and not before time. To the home crowd's delight the plucky
rams charged at City after Captain Mufsid launched the ball into the City
half. Carnage did indeed ensue but it was City who were surprisingly on the
receiving end with Pew, McGrue and Barney all being steam rollered to the
ground by the Rams charging line men.This wasn't going according to the
script! Pew's brother...Pew viciously attacked Bertu il-Bokser who skilfully
side stepped and brought down the guard with a lethal right hook to the jaw
knocking him clean out .

The first twenty minutes of the game was literally a bloodbath and it
appeared the Rams were coming off better, the ball bobbed around the pitch
seemingly just a bit part in the game when a loose ball was pounced upon by
City's Grub right under the nose of the heroic Bertu il-Bokser. Grub spotted
McGrue sprinting into the Rams half with the home team racing to shut him
down. Grub spotted a gap in the line and ran clean through to score himself
on the 30 minute mark leaving a helpless Wenzu il-il-Haxxej eating his dust.
City were indeed the real deal. No one could have predicted that from the
kick-off Rams captain and catcher Mikiel Mufsid would scoop up the ball and
run into the endzone to equalize the match just before half-time.

The band went into overdrive ......then fell silent as the Valroma city band
turned up at the ground after lugging their instruments up the hill. The
half time entertainment was second to none as San Pedro Village band
were forced to leave the ground with instruments in pieces as the City band
decided they were better and explained the fact to the villagers .....giving
"Battle of the bands" a whole new meaning.

City came out in the second half in high spirits and with their band behind
them they set about the Rams with a spring in their step....looking like a
dodgy line dancing troop on a summer holiday down by the great lake. The
Rams fought bravely but City kept hold of the ball and on the 70th minute
when all thought that San Pedro had pulled off the impossible City catcher
Grub found a way into the Ram's Endzone. Dibble had the ball around the
half way line, in front of him raged a midfield punch up, he paused for a
second pulled his arm back, spotted Grub's run and launched the ball.....
the whole of San Pedro held it's breath the ball soared through the air
rotating, spinning straight into Grubs outstretched hands.
2-1 to City.

The Rams didn't have enough time to respond and at the final whistle
chased Saref Sabastad into his dressing room adding confusion to us
journalists as they were calling him Saref Safarkinbastad ?!?!?!?

San Pedro journalist Padre Hilario told me later

"We are a small team eh! We play to the best of our ability and God willing
we will get results, we must be gracious in defeat and not do deese tings to
da ref after da match. We should nail da tosser during d game, dat way he
doesn't carry on making Alla! shit decisions.......God bless you "

100 gold piece prize fight

by Juno lister

Following the dissapointing news that his shop Neyk Sports was burgled, San Pedro Prize fighter Cenzu Gonbailas held a press conference at his shop on the High Street. Gonbailas a black belt in the San Pedrian martial art Haq Al-bala was angered so much by the fact that his store was broken into that he has pledged to fight in the pits once more .
The sight of Gonbailas running through the dusty street of San Pedro followed by a hoarde of young San Pedrians screaming and shouting his name is a sight ...........yet to happen........... Gonbailas regularly dishes out his trademark Gonad flick trick to any heckler that dares disturb his strict training routine.that and the fact he smells and none of the kids like him. He is however a very popular chap amongst the men that congregate in the bars around the town square and for a pint he will perform his other trademark the Gonbailas Stumble. Gonbailas used this technique for the first time against Ganni L-Loki who had Gonbailas on his last legs and just as he moved in for the kill Gonbailas stumbled forward into L-Loki and headbutted him sending him to the ground. Since then Gonbailas showboat's this stumble and as the pints come flowing they get more and more theatrical. His promoter Joey Di Fazer took time off from his market stall to explain

"Ehhh Cenzu is de best fighter in da Valroma he has done lots of styles of fightin like boxin and de kickin boxin, Tee kwen doo and of course Haq Al-Bala. I am going to put a purse of 100 gold pieces forward for any fighter who will beats Gonbailas......I will keep my money and many fighters will lose deir reputations. I expect every San Pedro man , woman, child and goat to support our hero"

.....so far no one has taken him up on the deal.

Due to the fact that Nejk Sports have no yellow materials for the San Pedro Rams Bloodbowl team kits they will now be playing in green. The guards trail of the twin yellow lines has lead them to Butterfly Street in West side Valroma where they have questioned at length San Pedro's most famous son Charlie il-King the co-proprieter of the Dragonfly tavern. Interrogation took place at the pub late into the night and involved loud raucous singing and dancing.

Padre Hilario is on the scene and we are awaiting a report back from him but so far his reports have been incomprehendible

Padre Hilario's Sunday Service

Translated by Juno Lister

Hi There Sports fan,
San Pedro's finest prize fighter Cenzu Gonbailas has been seen out pounding the streets this week ......you mean he is actually running I hear you say? No he was literally hitting the street with his fists following the news that his sports wear shop........Neyk Sports was burgled last weekend. No money or valuables have been stolen but only yellow material and paint. Cynics are pointing the finger at the Banda Filomarnika San Pedro who are rumoured to be unhappy that the San Pedro Rams are to play in the Yellow of Banda San Pedro as agreed when their representative Blood bowl teams met last month to decide the team and colours.
San Pedro Guards are following a few leads. Sergeant Garzia said that they have found a trail of two yellow lines painted on the streets of downtown Valroma. He also said how impressed he was with the Valroma City Guard stopping carts from driving over the evisence and fining anyone stopping anywhere near them.

picture: two of San Pedro's finest on the case

Endzone's Newest Sports Correspondent

by Juno Lister

Padre Hilario is the latest roving reporter to join the Endzone team.
One of San Pedro 's clergy he will keep us abreast of what is going on in the that strange little village behind the mountains. He will be the first on scene travelling with the Rams as they come into the city to test their skills against the finest Bloodbowl teams in the duchy. He will make it his point to ensure The Rams' spiritual needs are catered for whilst on tour.....even in Butterfly Street ....ahem.
Hailing from San Pedro himself Padre Hilario, a fully ordained man of the cloth, has often come into dispute with his superior Padre Zammitello for failing to wear his robes and putting closed signs on his chapel at the bottom of the High Street when major sporting events are taking place.

We tried to get a comment from the newest member of our team but unfortunately when we turned up at the chapel we could see through the window that his dog-collar and robe were hanging up with a sign on the door saying

"Closed ....go bless yourselves "

It may be pure coincidence but there was indeed donkey racing taking place in the village at the time

Behind the Mountains or Wound up The Wall ?

By Juno Lister

Hi there bloodbowl fans today I bring you this report in the far far south from the village of San Pedro. Although often described as behind the mountains the village is in fact on a plateau halfway up the Western Wall. It's human population are simple folk who speak in a completely different dialect to the rest of Valroma. I am here to bear witness to the fact that Bloodbowl has spread even to the outer regions. Bloodbowl or Bladbowel as it is known here is played between two teams which are representatives of the two band clubs that grace the streets of San Pedro at Festa time.

As I approached the village along a dusty winding path I could see the domed shaped church surrounded by yellow block brick houses,all sporting huge flag poles with either yellow or green flags attached. Yellow , the colour of the Banda San Pedro whose club house or Kazin is situated on San Pedro High Street and the green the colour of Il-Banda Filomarnika San Pedro whose rather grander Kazin is situated right next to the Church of San Pedro.

The one Bloodbowl pitch is a white gravel affair called Il-Grownd Patcho-Grasso. Today the two band clubs were playing head to head. Most of the village turned out and the hand-held whistling fireworks were only drowned out by the thunderous petards exploding over head as the two teams prepared to engage in what were trials for the first ever San Pedro Bloodbowl team to be known as The Rams. To coincide with the two bloodbowl teams joining forces the two bands played jubilous marches throughout the event.

The Valroma Bloodbowl Commission kindly sent Rack Myley their top referee to officiate this event. What followed was a highly charged game of bloodbowl somewhat lacking in skill but these rather stunt, barrel-chested men were full of enthusiasm. Rather strangely the yellows won by two touchdowns to nothing, both scored by catcher Mikiel Mufsid. Mufsid once had a trial with a team in Valroma city before Blodbowl was legal but the Guards raided the team before he could play and he fled back to San Pedro .I spoke to Mufsid who said:

" I am glad to be part of de team. I wish we had a trower to help me but I will do all de running and de linesmans dey will keep de udder players away from me eh!"

As the Yellows won it was decided that the San Pedro Rams would play in yellow with green trim. The team chosen by veteran underground bloodbowler Carmel il-Buzu who will be the head coach is as follows:

1 Mikiel Mufsid catcher
2 Bertu il-Bokser lineman
3 Kalcidon il-Fatat lineman
4 Pietru il-Hafi lineman
5 Nikol il -Gard lineman
6 Cenzu il-Bari lineman
7 Wenzu l-Haxxej lineman