By Juno lister
It was a fine sunny day for the Bloodbowl final. A re-vamped stadium, more pyrotechnics from San Pedrian Wizard Cucci Fogu . ….no cheerleaders to be seen though.
Valroma City entered the stadium to an eruption of applause. There was no doubt that the whole of Valroma was behind their gallant guards. The players ran on to the field like gods of thunder , it was an inspirational moment which made me almost cry with pride, what a wonderful blood bowl team our city has. They were playing Harbads Heroes.
The shining armour of the city players leapt into action as Dibble kicked-off the final. Heroes new edition Wotsit caught the ball and ran at the City line-out …….it was like a sword against a brick wall ….Wotsit was upended and the ball was eventually retrieved by City’s Grub who swept graceful as a gazelle through the field scoring a city touchdown. The city of Valroma erupted …….1-0 to City
On the restart the game quietened down and Heroes had the ball for a bit…..Wotsit got lucky as Pew(1), whilst being tackled, slipped allowing Wotsit to scoop up the ball and pass it to Skudd who ran for dear life down the right flank. As he was being pursued by the fearsome City, he handed the ball to Koff who scored a very lucky equaliser 1-1
The second half was more of the same City playing extremely attractive fast flowing bloodbowl whilst the Heroes kind of got lucky. On 60 minutes a huge melee on halfway line found the ball being spilled into the hands of Heroes player Koff who ran away with it like a headless chicken. Amazingly he (couldn’t do it again if he tried in my humble opinion) spun, skipped around the City warriors and just happened to fall into the endzone - 2-1 to Heroes. The crowd fell silent …so silent I couldn’t hear the restart whistle……for the huge rackety silence….ahem.
In the dying moments of the match with the cup looking to be stolen from the grasp of the glorious City they launched a last attack. Grub made a clever dummy run in a diagonal towards the endzone taking a multitude of tactically inept Heroes with him. This allowed Dibble the space to go on a heroic run through the field untouched. He handed the ball to Pew(1) who launched into the endzone. The score was 2-2…the ground groaned…..groaned with the strain of the noise being made by the city faithful.
With a few seconds to go the other team played ‘keep ball’ and wouldn’t come out fighting, they knew that if they did city would have won. As it was they played for the penalty kicks.
Best of three kicks was going to decide the cup……
Rash scored his penalty kick for the Heroes in the absolute still air of a brilliant sunny afternoon.
Pew(1) stepped up for City and amazingly the wind blew the ball just wide.
Zar scored the next goal for Heroes…….
Pew(2) bravely ran towards his penalty kick and as he planted his foot down to kick the ball the granite was slippery and the ball hit the post and back out.
It was over, heroes could not lose.
Heroes were given the cup then went home...
Thursday, 11 June 2009
Friday, 5 June 2009
The Grendel Square Bashing
by Bob Sanweevs
The day all pugilism fans were waiting for the “There can be only one” mega scrap took place at Grendel Square in Valroma City. The San Pedrian Wizard Cucci Fogu lit up the square with pre-fight pyrotechnics, accidentally igniting one of the head cheerleader Donna Blacksmith’s ponytails. The result of which was the last performance by the cheerleader who will be forever known as Donna Kebab. People in the crowd agreed it was a lightening performance by the unfortunate cheerleader. Famed for her pompom work at La Madame’s, it was a shame it ended so quickly as she danced like it was her last dance…….actually it was her last dance…
As the fighters were lead out Wizard Fogu increased his pyromaniac tendencies to the max and soon we had 7 fighters standing in the square looking mean at each other.
There was Sir John Drew ….or ‘Screwy Drewy’ as he is known amongst his fellow knights. Not content on doing what nobility do best namely hobnobing with his peers, dueling and jousting…..oh no this old veteran likes nothing more than getting down to the darkest deepest ghettos of the city and mixing it with the riff-raff. “A true knight fights anyone “ he told me before the fight. Slow but very experienced Sir John would be a force to be reckoned with.
At the other end of the spectrum Zoomo Azz the holder of the championship belt is young inexperienced but full of energy. He entered the arena having taken the belt off of Bad Baz . Sure of himself and full of flashy moves the boy from the ghetto was fully expecting to retain his belt.
Cirillu Ghajn Al-Maqdes, a priest from the Order of the Obsidian Gate ………….. What is a priest doing in what is a essentially a gloried street brawl I asked him? “well my son, sadly the Temple of the Outcast Daemons needs a new roof and donations are pitifully few. If by the blessed Azmet I should win then the prize money would go a long way to reaching our goal!” replied the confident cleric and produced a donations box from him robes, rattling it enthusiastically.
Malachia il-Muntun, a beastman from the Klopp region near San Pedro. There were high hopes for this hard looking fighter resplendent with mighty rams horns! He is reported to have slain the great troll who lived under the bridge of the Rikketii Bridge!
Phantom Power the crowd’s favourite posed his way into the square, his white leggings as white as white, his long locks soft and wavy. His body honed and toned, teeth gleaming in the evening sun, Phantom, known as the People’s Pugilist, was a picture of perfection. He told me before the fight…..”I will fight fair I will fight hard and I will be the people’s champion…..and kids….don’t do mushrooms”
Bad Baz the dreaded Guard form Valroma city had a lot to prove, having already been beaten by a kid, losing his self proclaimed championship……He walked into the square looking very angry and kicked an old lady as she booed him.
The last fighter to appear was Cedric McNasty. No one has seen Cedric’s face and no one knows where he comes from. He never speaks, never shows emotion, he just turns up, points at his intended foe and pummels them into the ground.
So the scene was set and the ref Bryn Craptree shouted the magic word….. “FIGHT!” … the mayhem began.
Sir John wandered over to Zoomo Azz and the pair of them squared off at each other. Sir John raised his fists in pure Queensbury Rules style and started a continual banter at Azz…”come on young lad …come on stick one on me come on mitts up boy” Malachia put head down and charged into Bad Baz. Cirillu stood in the middle of the square, raised his arms out to the side as if summonsing the heavens all around him. Phantom Power was running around the arena giving cheap shots to everyone and the crowd were loving it. Sir John was off-loading on Azz and soon the both of them had to pick themselves off the ground. Phantom Power ran up to Azz as he was on the floor to ‘put the boot in’ but Azz caught him low sending the People’s Pugilist clutching the People’s Parts! Bad Baz knocked out Malachia cold and turned his attentions to Cirillu who promptly disposed of Bad Baz. Cirillu stepped forward and punched Cedric Mc Nasty clean on the chin, Mc Nasty couldn’t beat the count and was out. The People’s Pugilist got up again and looked even more determined to put the boot in on Azz who had been floored again by the Sir John. As Power drew his foot back Azz again planted his foot in Powers groin, Sir John threw Azz down again and this time Cirillu stepped across and kicked him whilst down, knocking him out.
Cirillu, Sir John and Phantom Power were the last three standing. Power disposed of the old knight whilst he was gasping for breath on the floor having been kneed in the stomach. As it looked like Sir John was about to get up Cirillu stamped him into the ground …the crowd were starting to cheer “Bravu Cirillu ghalhekk jghidulu hekk”
Phantom Power relatively fresh from avoiding the scrap to a certain to degree turned on the magic, unleashed a barrage of punches and kicks and as Cirillu fell Power raised his arms and shouted
“I am the people’s champion I defeated all of them …fairly squarely and with style!!! And remember kids….don’t accept berries from strangers!"
So the rankings stand :
Champion Phantom Power with 2 KO s
Contender Cirillu………….with 3 KO s
Sir John Drew…………….
Zoomo Azz…………………with 1 KO (previous fight against Bad Baz)
Cedric Mc Nasty Bad Baz ………………………with 1 KO
Malachia il-Muntun
The day all pugilism fans were waiting for the “There can be only one” mega scrap took place at Grendel Square in Valroma City. The San Pedrian Wizard Cucci Fogu lit up the square with pre-fight pyrotechnics, accidentally igniting one of the head cheerleader Donna Blacksmith’s ponytails. The result of which was the last performance by the cheerleader who will be forever known as Donna Kebab. People in the crowd agreed it was a lightening performance by the unfortunate cheerleader. Famed for her pompom work at La Madame’s, it was a shame it ended so quickly as she danced like it was her last dance…….actually it was her last dance…
As the fighters were lead out Wizard Fogu increased his pyromaniac tendencies to the max and soon we had 7 fighters standing in the square looking mean at each other.
There was Sir John Drew ….or ‘Screwy Drewy’ as he is known amongst his fellow knights. Not content on doing what nobility do best namely hobnobing with his peers, dueling and jousting…..oh no this old veteran likes nothing more than getting down to the darkest deepest ghettos of the city and mixing it with the riff-raff. “A true knight fights anyone “ he told me before the fight. Slow but very experienced Sir John would be a force to be reckoned with.
At the other end of the spectrum Zoomo Azz the holder of the championship belt is young inexperienced but full of energy. He entered the arena having taken the belt off of Bad Baz . Sure of himself and full of flashy moves the boy from the ghetto was fully expecting to retain his belt.
Cirillu Ghajn Al-Maqdes, a priest from the Order of the Obsidian Gate ………….. What is a priest doing in what is a essentially a gloried street brawl I asked him? “well my son, sadly the Temple of the Outcast Daemons needs a new roof and donations are pitifully few. If by the blessed Azmet I should win then the prize money would go a long way to reaching our goal!” replied the confident cleric and produced a donations box from him robes, rattling it enthusiastically.
Malachia il-Muntun, a beastman from the Klopp region near San Pedro. There were high hopes for this hard looking fighter resplendent with mighty rams horns! He is reported to have slain the great troll who lived under the bridge of the Rikketii Bridge!
Phantom Power the crowd’s favourite posed his way into the square, his white leggings as white as white, his long locks soft and wavy. His body honed and toned, teeth gleaming in the evening sun, Phantom, known as the People’s Pugilist, was a picture of perfection. He told me before the fight…..”I will fight fair I will fight hard and I will be the people’s champion…..and kids….don’t do mushrooms”
Bad Baz the dreaded Guard form Valroma city had a lot to prove, having already been beaten by a kid, losing his self proclaimed championship……He walked into the square looking very angry and kicked an old lady as she booed him.
The last fighter to appear was Cedric McNasty. No one has seen Cedric’s face and no one knows where he comes from. He never speaks, never shows emotion, he just turns up, points at his intended foe and pummels them into the ground.
So the scene was set and the ref Bryn Craptree shouted the magic word….. “FIGHT!” … the mayhem began.
Sir John wandered over to Zoomo Azz and the pair of them squared off at each other. Sir John raised his fists in pure Queensbury Rules style and started a continual banter at Azz…”come on young lad …come on stick one on me come on mitts up boy” Malachia put head down and charged into Bad Baz. Cirillu stood in the middle of the square, raised his arms out to the side as if summonsing the heavens all around him. Phantom Power was running around the arena giving cheap shots to everyone and the crowd were loving it. Sir John was off-loading on Azz and soon the both of them had to pick themselves off the ground. Phantom Power ran up to Azz as he was on the floor to ‘put the boot in’ but Azz caught him low sending the People’s Pugilist clutching the People’s Parts! Bad Baz knocked out Malachia cold and turned his attentions to Cirillu who promptly disposed of Bad Baz. Cirillu stepped forward and punched Cedric Mc Nasty clean on the chin, Mc Nasty couldn’t beat the count and was out. The People’s Pugilist got up again and looked even more determined to put the boot in on Azz who had been floored again by the Sir John. As Power drew his foot back Azz again planted his foot in Powers groin, Sir John threw Azz down again and this time Cirillu stepped across and kicked him whilst down, knocking him out.
Cirillu, Sir John and Phantom Power were the last three standing. Power disposed of the old knight whilst he was gasping for breath on the floor having been kneed in the stomach. As it looked like Sir John was about to get up Cirillu stamped him into the ground …the crowd were starting to cheer “Bravu Cirillu ghalhekk jghidulu hekk”
Phantom Power relatively fresh from avoiding the scrap to a certain to degree turned on the magic, unleashed a barrage of punches and kicks and as Cirillu fell Power raised his arms and shouted
“I am the people’s champion I defeated all of them …fairly squarely and with style!!! And remember kids….don’t accept berries from strangers!"
So the rankings stand :
Champion Phantom Power with 2 KO s
Contender Cirillu………….with 3 KO s
Sir John Drew…………….
Zoomo Azz…………………with 1 KO (previous fight against Bad Baz)
Cedric Mc Nasty Bad Baz ………………………with 1 KO
Malachia il-Muntun
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
Endzone Merger
the Editor
With the rise in popularity of the seedy backstreet fight scene Endzone Report is branching out.
Sports fans can look forward to not only the best coverage of all the top blood bowl matches in and around The Grand Duchy of Valroma but also fight reports and profiles of the city’s top ranked fighters.
With a name change we have now become Endzone & Pugilist and would like to welcome veteran fight commentator Bob Sanweevs to the team.
With the rise in popularity of the seedy backstreet fight scene Endzone Report is branching out.
Sports fans can look forward to not only the best coverage of all the top blood bowl matches in and around The Grand Duchy of Valroma but also fight reports and profiles of the city’s top ranked fighters.
With a name change we have now become Endzone & Pugilist and would like to welcome veteran fight commentator Bob Sanweevs to the team.
Tuesday, 2 June 2009
Official VBC Press Release
In response to Harbads Heroes suggesting that there is racism in the halls of the VBC, the right honourable president of the commition Ambrose Blacke has replied
"Absolutely there is racism. We didn't want those skanky horrible Ork ruffians anywhere near the cup but unfortunately they won and reluctantly we had togive them the cup ….however the journalist Juno lister is not an employee of the VBC and we have no control over the scribes at Endzone or what they write. However we have it on good authority that Mr Lister was last seen being bundled into a prison cart whilst on his way to submit his match report. The reason for his incarceration is not known but rumours suggests that the report is being rewritten as we speak and upon his release the report will be published as City …I mean Endzone Reports sees fit"
Monday, 1 June 2009
Green Disrimination
by Guido de Groot
A row has been slowly brewing in Valroma since the final of the Dukes Cup and the ugly word ‘racism’ rearing its head! The cause..? Harbads Heroes dissatisfaction of their treatment by the VBC following their upset win over Valroma City and namely the lack of any reporting by the VBC official reporter Juno Lister.
The much scorned Heroes were rank underdogs to win the cup but they romped to victory, winning in a nail biting penalty shoot-out in extra time. The final of this prestigious new tournament has still to be reported in the official VBC press prompting outrage from team captain ‘Rash’ Gaarhgon.
“We’s wun fare n skware! Dowz gurls in da Gards kudunt hak i’ an now Vowrowma iz tryin to pretend id neva ‘happend! We deemandz ar just rekognishun! IZ ID KOZ WEE IZ GREEN?!!
The fans are still waiting for an official response from the VBC
A row has been slowly brewing in Valroma since the final of the Dukes Cup and the ugly word ‘racism’ rearing its head! The cause..? Harbads Heroes dissatisfaction of their treatment by the VBC following their upset win over Valroma City and namely the lack of any reporting by the VBC official reporter Juno Lister.
The much scorned Heroes were rank underdogs to win the cup but they romped to victory, winning in a nail biting penalty shoot-out in extra time. The final of this prestigious new tournament has still to be reported in the official VBC press prompting outrage from team captain ‘Rash’ Gaarhgon.
“We’s wun fare n skware! Dowz gurls in da Gards kudunt hak i’ an now Vowrowma iz tryin to pretend id neva ‘happend! We deemandz ar just rekognishun! IZ ID KOZ WEE IZ GREEN?!!
The fans are still waiting for an official response from the VBC
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
There Can Be Only One!
by Juno Lister
A row has erupted over the new sporting craze that is sweeping Valroma. Prize fighting although not new to Valroma has been an underground affair unregulated and poorly followed due to exaggerations in records, inflated reputations and fraudulent claims of overall supremacy. The Guards Association of Sports and Hobbies (GASH) has made huge steps forward in trying to organise the dirty world of pit fighting last week by appointing their number 1 pugilist Bad Baz as champion. On a grey evening in Grendel Square he took on all comers and despatched them all in a crazy circus like stunt only to come unstuck by a teenager from down town Valroma called Zoomo Azz. Not to take anything away from the Teenage Terror whose tenacity and raw violence upended Bad Baz....but Bad Baz has complained he was tired and it wasn't fair that his title belt was given to Azz. GASH has signed up Azz and although Baz and Azz’s relationship is rocky they share the same camp and the atmosphere in the gym is apparently very icy.
Out on the harsh desolate plains beyond the southernmost provinces of Valroma live the tribal folk. The feudal unrest between tribes is often very volatile but over the last few decades pit fighting has been a means of settling scores, all out war being far too devastating the small tribal populations. They have a very active pit fighting culture and leader of the Hawk Eye tribe Chief Jaiya has petitioned GASH demanding that their inter-tribe champion Shaka Firestorm must be in line to contend for the Valroma Championship. Bad Baz has claimed he should be allowed to fight to get his belt back first. There have been several other fighters who are staking a claim to the title also, a certain Malachia Il-Muntun a goat headed beastman from the Klopp region north of San Pedro and strangely Cirillu Ghajn Al-Maqdes a priest from one of the many obscure temples in Valroma city.
In order to settle the title belt once and for all GASH decided that they would appoint a body of respected individuals on to a panel called the Valroma Unified Fighters League VUFL. Representatives from the major pit fighting and pugilist camps have met and it has been decided that the best fighters in the land will meet in Grendel Square in Valroma City. They will all be thrown into a fighting area and the last man standing will be the Real Champion. As fighter by fighter falls his name will be placed on a ranking ladder and the higher up the ladder.
The VUFL have also announced that in the pipe line they are planning to have a tag team championship. They will announce fight cards ahead of the event and take the VUFL to the provinces so fans all over Valroma can see the fighters who they reckon will soon be legends.
Former Pit Fighter Mack McMinus has laughed at these plans........" Taking pit fighting to a larger audience is nonsense ...in my day it were real fighting, Grannies were the biggest fans & I can't see it appealing to the wider public...they are even talking of having the Wizards Guild provide pyrotechnics and Bards to introduce them onto the square...it's all too razzle dazzle for me....it will never catch on"
Time will tell .......bring it on!
A row has erupted over the new sporting craze that is sweeping Valroma. Prize fighting although not new to Valroma has been an underground affair unregulated and poorly followed due to exaggerations in records, inflated reputations and fraudulent claims of overall supremacy. The Guards Association of Sports and Hobbies (GASH) has made huge steps forward in trying to organise the dirty world of pit fighting last week by appointing their number 1 pugilist Bad Baz as champion. On a grey evening in Grendel Square he took on all comers and despatched them all in a crazy circus like stunt only to come unstuck by a teenager from down town Valroma called Zoomo Azz. Not to take anything away from the Teenage Terror whose tenacity and raw violence upended Bad Baz....but Bad Baz has complained he was tired and it wasn't fair that his title belt was given to Azz. GASH has signed up Azz and although Baz and Azz’s relationship is rocky they share the same camp and the atmosphere in the gym is apparently very icy.
Out on the harsh desolate plains beyond the southernmost provinces of Valroma live the tribal folk. The feudal unrest between tribes is often very volatile but over the last few decades pit fighting has been a means of settling scores, all out war being far too devastating the small tribal populations. They have a very active pit fighting culture and leader of the Hawk Eye tribe Chief Jaiya has petitioned GASH demanding that their inter-tribe champion Shaka Firestorm must be in line to contend for the Valroma Championship. Bad Baz has claimed he should be allowed to fight to get his belt back first. There have been several other fighters who are staking a claim to the title also, a certain Malachia Il-Muntun a goat headed beastman from the Klopp region north of San Pedro and strangely Cirillu Ghajn Al-Maqdes a priest from one of the many obscure temples in Valroma city.
In order to settle the title belt once and for all GASH decided that they would appoint a body of respected individuals on to a panel called the Valroma Unified Fighters League VUFL. Representatives from the major pit fighting and pugilist camps have met and it has been decided that the best fighters in the land will meet in Grendel Square in Valroma City. They will all be thrown into a fighting area and the last man standing will be the Real Champion. As fighter by fighter falls his name will be placed on a ranking ladder and the higher up the ladder.
The VUFL have also announced that in the pipe line they are planning to have a tag team championship. They will announce fight cards ahead of the event and take the VUFL to the provinces so fans all over Valroma can see the fighters who they reckon will soon be legends.
Former Pit Fighter Mack McMinus has laughed at these plans........" Taking pit fighting to a larger audience is nonsense ...in my day it were real fighting, Grannies were the biggest fans & I can't see it appealing to the wider public...they are even talking of having the Wizards Guild provide pyrotechnics and Bards to introduce them onto the square...it's all too razzle dazzle for me....it will never catch on"
Time will tell .......bring it on!
Friday, 15 May 2009
Bad Baz Knocked Out By Teenage Terror
by Juno lister
There is a new kid on the block, remember this name ......Zoomo Azz
Bad Baz had been knocking out wannabe pugilists all evening in Grendel Square in Valroma City. A large crowd had built up as the Guard dispatched all comers. Then up stepped a young man barely in his adulthood called Zoomo Azz. The crowd winced as Azz was put down time after time and as he appeared on his last legs Bad Baz missed two big shots and with that Azz stepped up and put him on his backside.
Baz beat the count and looked drained himself. He went to head-butt the young gun but the youthful Azz sidestepped and planted a knee on the blundering guards chin sending him to sleep. When Bad Baz was counted out the square erupted.....Zoomo Azz was given a championship belt that had been round Bad Baz's waist........A GASH official lifted Azz's arm and declared......The new champion of Valroma......................... Zoomo Azz
Rumour has it Azz has tonight been recruited by the Guards and offered a contract with GASH. Bad Baz left the square after blasting out a warning to Azz
"that belt is on loan ....I’m taking it back ...and when I do I will break you in two!!!!!"
There is a new kid on the block, remember this name ......Zoomo Azz
Bad Baz had been knocking out wannabe pugilists all evening in Grendel Square in Valroma City. A large crowd had built up as the Guard dispatched all comers. Then up stepped a young man barely in his adulthood called Zoomo Azz. The crowd winced as Azz was put down time after time and as he appeared on his last legs Bad Baz missed two big shots and with that Azz stepped up and put him on his backside.
Baz beat the count and looked drained himself. He went to head-butt the young gun but the youthful Azz sidestepped and planted a knee on the blundering guards chin sending him to sleep. When Bad Baz was counted out the square erupted.....Zoomo Azz was given a championship belt that had been round Bad Baz's waist........A GASH official lifted Azz's arm and declared......The new champion of Valroma......................... Zoomo Azz
Rumour has it Azz has tonight been recruited by the Guards and offered a contract with GASH. Bad Baz left the square after blasting out a warning to Azz
"that belt is on loan ....I’m taking it back ...and when I do I will break you in two!!!!!"
Open Invitation
by Mike Oxstiff
A spokes person for G.A.S.H. (Guards Association of Sports and Hobbies) has issue a statement to challenge San Pedro's veteran pit fighter Gonbailas to fight their finest fighter Bad Baz, a well known city centre Guard whose reputation for cracking skulls is legendary. GASH said that following the success of the Valroma City it was decide that they had to dominate the fight game too.
Bad Baz is doing some exhibition fights in Grendel Square tonight and will invite all comers to climb into the ring with him for a small purse.
So far Gonbailas has not responded in fact no one has seen him.....has he lost his bottle?
A spokes person for G.A.S.H. (Guards Association of Sports and Hobbies) has issue a statement to challenge San Pedro's veteran pit fighter Gonbailas to fight their finest fighter Bad Baz, a well known city centre Guard whose reputation for cracking skulls is legendary. GASH said that following the success of the Valroma City it was decide that they had to dominate the fight game too.
Bad Baz is doing some exhibition fights in Grendel Square tonight and will invite all comers to climb into the ring with him for a small purse.
So far Gonbailas has not responded in fact no one has seen him.....has he lost his bottle?
Thursday, 14 May 2009
Clash of the Titans
By Juno Lister
The second semi-final was between the two favourites to win the tournament Valroma City and Black Bay Dragons, but only one of them could go through. The city’s guard team Valroma City are surprisingly getting a very healthy fan base since they exploded onto the Bloodbowl league last year. Rumour has it that lighter sentencing of Valroma’s undesirables upon arrest is the order of the day in exchange for assurance of a bum on the terrace for the next home match.
The match kicked off with Jerimiah Lildew, Dragons Captain, launching a kick into City’s half. City then aimed to spoil the game by tucking the ball into a ‘boomchugaluga’ formation and tried advancing forward slowly. They got a fairway down the field when the Dragon’s fearless catcher Crash Talon zipped round the back of the bum chagga lagga discarding City’s Grub as he went. A whole melee took place and the ball seemed to bounce around the pitch forever almost a secondary issue amongst a whole load of scrapping bodies. Eventually the teams showed a renewed interest in the ball which spilled out to the two captains Lildew and Pew 1. Pew was sent sprawling, the ball flew into the air and Crash Talon gathered it and dashed to the endzone scoring a touchdown for the Dragons in the 25 minute.
It looked like the Dragons were going to run away with the game, they looked strong and fit where as City seemed only to want to spoil creative play and this tactic seemed to work as City absorbed anything thrown at them .The game was hard hitting and just before the break the Dragons failed to deal with the Valroma onslaught. Grub ran into the endzone and waited for what must have seemed an eternity as his team mate Dibble launched a long pass to him failing miserably. The ball bounced short into the hands of Dragon’s Crash Talon who remarkably fumbled the ball ...it was City player Barney who reacted the quickest picked up the ball and handed it to the patiently waiting grub in the endzone. The teams swapped ends at 1-1.
The second half was a similar story as the first with both teams going at each other quite ferociously but the Dragons for all their flair and speed were making silly ball control errors and it was only a matter of time before in the 75th minute, capitalising on another fumble this time by Omras, City’s Pue 2 picked up the loose ball and scored.
At the final whistle the stadium was on fire..........no it literally it was on fire as the disgruntled Dragons fans kidnapped City’s mascot Bertie the Boar and set light to his backside. As the poor man inside got hotter and hotter the quicker Bertie ran. Looking like a nitrous oxide injected pig hurtling towards the terraces . The flaming pig leapt into the crowd causing all sorts of mayhem, none the least setting the stand alight.....this meant that the Final between Harbads Heroes and Valroma City has to be postponed until the damage has been repaired.
Final score Valroma City 2 Black Bay Dragons 1
The second semi-final was between the two favourites to win the tournament Valroma City and Black Bay Dragons, but only one of them could go through. The city’s guard team Valroma City are surprisingly getting a very healthy fan base since they exploded onto the Bloodbowl league last year. Rumour has it that lighter sentencing of Valroma’s undesirables upon arrest is the order of the day in exchange for assurance of a bum on the terrace for the next home match.
The match kicked off with Jerimiah Lildew, Dragons Captain, launching a kick into City’s half. City then aimed to spoil the game by tucking the ball into a ‘boomchugaluga’ formation and tried advancing forward slowly. They got a fairway down the field when the Dragon’s fearless catcher Crash Talon zipped round the back of the bum chagga lagga discarding City’s Grub as he went. A whole melee took place and the ball seemed to bounce around the pitch forever almost a secondary issue amongst a whole load of scrapping bodies. Eventually the teams showed a renewed interest in the ball which spilled out to the two captains Lildew and Pew 1. Pew was sent sprawling, the ball flew into the air and Crash Talon gathered it and dashed to the endzone scoring a touchdown for the Dragons in the 25 minute.
It looked like the Dragons were going to run away with the game, they looked strong and fit where as City seemed only to want to spoil creative play and this tactic seemed to work as City absorbed anything thrown at them .The game was hard hitting and just before the break the Dragons failed to deal with the Valroma onslaught. Grub ran into the endzone and waited for what must have seemed an eternity as his team mate Dibble launched a long pass to him failing miserably. The ball bounced short into the hands of Dragon’s Crash Talon who remarkably fumbled the ball ...it was City player Barney who reacted the quickest picked up the ball and handed it to the patiently waiting grub in the endzone. The teams swapped ends at 1-1.
The second half was a similar story as the first with both teams going at each other quite ferociously but the Dragons for all their flair and speed were making silly ball control errors and it was only a matter of time before in the 75th minute, capitalising on another fumble this time by Omras, City’s Pue 2 picked up the loose ball and scored.
At the final whistle the stadium was on fire..........no it literally it was on fire as the disgruntled Dragons fans kidnapped City’s mascot Bertie the Boar and set light to his backside. As the poor man inside got hotter and hotter the quicker Bertie ran. Looking like a nitrous oxide injected pig hurtling towards the terraces . The flaming pig leapt into the crowd causing all sorts of mayhem, none the least setting the stand alight.....this meant that the Final between Harbads Heroes and Valroma City has to be postponed until the damage has been repaired.
Final score Valroma City 2 Black Bay Dragons 1
Wednesday, 13 May 2009
Explosive Dukes Cup Action
By Juno Lister
Four thousand expectant fans crammed into the West gate stadium to witness the inaugural Dukes Cup Tournament. The Rams had arrived in the city a few days earlier and the festa atmosphere from the San Pedro fans has been a real focus point for the citizens of Valroma. These strange loud folk from San Pedro seem to have a strange fascination for hand held whistling fireworks and loud petards which have been going off at infrequent intervals all over the city launched from the roofs of their inns and accommodations. When not indulging their frankly dangerous obsession with pyrotechnics they seem to love walking aimlessly up and down the streets in their best clothes staring into people’s doors and windows. Their opponents in the first semi-final Harbads Heroes on the other hand arrived a few minutes before the opening match against The Rams their location in these last weeks still a mystery. Officials insist the team did infact present themselves before the mandatory registration 24 hours previous to the start of the tournament but as no-one seems to be witness to this, this reporter has to wonder if bribery and skullduggery are afoot?
So the Rams lined up hoping that maybe, just maybe, this was the game that would get their first win. This rather hopeful dream was soon banished into a nightmare in the form of a complete blunder by Rams no3 Kalcidon Il-Fatat who fumbled the ball from a Skudd kick-off allowing Heroes Skudd to run him down, push him aside and scoop up the ball to trot into the Endzone. The crowd went wild 1-0 to the Heroes.
From the re-start the plucky little San Pedrians attacked down the flank with No1 Mikiel Mufsid calling for the ball. Kalcidon trying to make a mends for his earlier fumble threw the ball to no7 Wenzu Il-Haxxej but over cooked. il-Haxxej had several Heroes running at him full pelt, but though they came off worse stunning themselves, it was enough to slow il-Haxxej and he couldn’t reach the ball in time,which was scooped up by Skudd for the Heroes.
The remainder of the first half saw the ball bobble about in the Heroes half as SanPedro piled on the pressure but couldn’t find the break-through they desperately needed. The Heroes just absorbed everything The Rams could throw at them.
The second half was much the same, Skudd was having a great game and was sprinting into the Rams half ball tucked into his body until Rams no 6 Cenzu il-Bari made a b-line for him, the clank of metal against metal was deafening as the pair of them ended up in a dented heap.
Then the killer blow! With ten minutes left to go Gripper Khan easily took out Rams no 4 Pietru il-Hafi scooping up the ball and passed it to his team mate Zaargh who was skipping into the endzone as the ball sailed into his hands, the Heroes crowd erupted and a few scuffles broke out on the terraces. The Heroes, now in the final, could sit back and watch the next match closely and plot against the winner of the second semi-final, only a step away from winning silverware. As for the Rams a long journey back to San Pedro, battered, bruised, winless and clueless.
Final score Harbads Heroes 2 San Pedro Rams 0
Four thousand expectant fans crammed into the West gate stadium to witness the inaugural Dukes Cup Tournament. The Rams had arrived in the city a few days earlier and the festa atmosphere from the San Pedro fans has been a real focus point for the citizens of Valroma. These strange loud folk from San Pedro seem to have a strange fascination for hand held whistling fireworks and loud petards which have been going off at infrequent intervals all over the city launched from the roofs of their inns and accommodations. When not indulging their frankly dangerous obsession with pyrotechnics they seem to love walking aimlessly up and down the streets in their best clothes staring into people’s doors and windows. Their opponents in the first semi-final Harbads Heroes on the other hand arrived a few minutes before the opening match against The Rams their location in these last weeks still a mystery. Officials insist the team did infact present themselves before the mandatory registration 24 hours previous to the start of the tournament but as no-one seems to be witness to this, this reporter has to wonder if bribery and skullduggery are afoot?
So the Rams lined up hoping that maybe, just maybe, this was the game that would get their first win. This rather hopeful dream was soon banished into a nightmare in the form of a complete blunder by Rams no3 Kalcidon Il-Fatat who fumbled the ball from a Skudd kick-off allowing Heroes Skudd to run him down, push him aside and scoop up the ball to trot into the Endzone. The crowd went wild 1-0 to the Heroes.
From the re-start the plucky little San Pedrians attacked down the flank with No1 Mikiel Mufsid calling for the ball. Kalcidon trying to make a mends for his earlier fumble threw the ball to no7 Wenzu Il-Haxxej but over cooked. il-Haxxej had several Heroes running at him full pelt, but though they came off worse stunning themselves, it was enough to slow il-Haxxej and he couldn’t reach the ball in time,which was scooped up by Skudd for the Heroes.
The remainder of the first half saw the ball bobble about in the Heroes half as SanPedro piled on the pressure but couldn’t find the break-through they desperately needed. The Heroes just absorbed everything The Rams could throw at them.
The second half was much the same, Skudd was having a great game and was sprinting into the Rams half ball tucked into his body until Rams no 6 Cenzu il-Bari made a b-line for him, the clank of metal against metal was deafening as the pair of them ended up in a dented heap.
Then the killer blow! With ten minutes left to go Gripper Khan easily took out Rams no 4 Pietru il-Hafi scooping up the ball and passed it to his team mate Zaargh who was skipping into the endzone as the ball sailed into his hands, the Heroes crowd erupted and a few scuffles broke out on the terraces. The Heroes, now in the final, could sit back and watch the next match closely and plot against the winner of the second semi-final, only a step away from winning silverware. As for the Rams a long journey back to San Pedro, battered, bruised, winless and clueless.
Final score Harbads Heroes 2 San Pedro Rams 0
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
Teams Go Missing !
by I. P. Dayley
With only four days to go till the Dukes Cup tournament The Dark Bay Dragons are training hard, finalising tactics and set plays, the San Pedro Rams are still en route amid a carnival of fans and hanger-ons but what of Valroma City and the failing Harbads Heroes? Nothing has been seen or heard of from these two teams for several months, fuelling speculation and playing into the hands of conspiracy theorists! Representatives for both teams have filed all the correct applications and paid the appropriate brides in a timely fashion but with the mandatory presentation of the teams themselves to the commission the day before the tournament fast approaching fears and rumours abound of a disappointing two team tournament.
Following the success and growing celebrity status of the ‘Guards’ the Valroma City Watch reportedly transferred the whole team and coaching staff to the neighbouring territory of The Gorge to man the local watchtower. A spokesman said this would serve the twin purpose of once again manning the old disused tower and keep the team away from the temptations of Valroma city with the upcoming season looming. With The Gorge being a sparsely populated area and posing little or no danger no thought had been given to the City’s finest but now with days to go rumours are starting to fly. Have they run afoul of bandits? No one knows and the City Watch is being very tight lipped.
The Heroes have not been seen in valroma city since their crushing defeat against the Dragons last year but the word on the street is they have gone out into the wilds looking for the mysterious Darkmagi. Who or what is Darkmagi? Some say a fabled coach from another plane of existence, others say a cult of magicians. No one knows for sure, have the Heroes found a messiahanic new coach or come to a sticky end at the hands of evil cultists?
Two top teams both mysteriously absent so close to this prestigious tournament, coincidence or foul play? These two teams could hardly be more different, the Guards fine upstanding protectors of our fine city, the Heroes shady rogues of dubious virtue but there are some in the back streets of down town Valroma who whisper that this fabled Darkmagi has indeed been found and both the Heroes and the Guards were actually at a joint secret training camp. Could the conspiracy theorist be correct? Are the two teams in cahoots? Impossible some would say but this is bloodbowl let us not forget. Only time will tell.
La Madam has issued a statement that she had got the Darby & Juno OAP club to round up some volunteers to form a stand-in team, let’s hope that won’t be necessary (not quite sure what the rules have to say about Zimmer frames on the pitch but lawyers are currently investigating).
With only four days to go till the Dukes Cup tournament The Dark Bay Dragons are training hard, finalising tactics and set plays, the San Pedro Rams are still en route amid a carnival of fans and hanger-ons but what of Valroma City and the failing Harbads Heroes? Nothing has been seen or heard of from these two teams for several months, fuelling speculation and playing into the hands of conspiracy theorists! Representatives for both teams have filed all the correct applications and paid the appropriate brides in a timely fashion but with the mandatory presentation of the teams themselves to the commission the day before the tournament fast approaching fears and rumours abound of a disappointing two team tournament.
Following the success and growing celebrity status of the ‘Guards’ the Valroma City Watch reportedly transferred the whole team and coaching staff to the neighbouring territory of The Gorge to man the local watchtower. A spokesman said this would serve the twin purpose of once again manning the old disused tower and keep the team away from the temptations of Valroma city with the upcoming season looming. With The Gorge being a sparsely populated area and posing little or no danger no thought had been given to the City’s finest but now with days to go rumours are starting to fly. Have they run afoul of bandits? No one knows and the City Watch is being very tight lipped.
The Heroes have not been seen in valroma city since their crushing defeat against the Dragons last year but the word on the street is they have gone out into the wilds looking for the mysterious Darkmagi. Who or what is Darkmagi? Some say a fabled coach from another plane of existence, others say a cult of magicians. No one knows for sure, have the Heroes found a messiahanic new coach or come to a sticky end at the hands of evil cultists?
Two top teams both mysteriously absent so close to this prestigious tournament, coincidence or foul play? These two teams could hardly be more different, the Guards fine upstanding protectors of our fine city, the Heroes shady rogues of dubious virtue but there are some in the back streets of down town Valroma who whisper that this fabled Darkmagi has indeed been found and both the Heroes and the Guards were actually at a joint secret training camp. Could the conspiracy theorist be correct? Are the two teams in cahoots? Impossible some would say but this is bloodbowl let us not forget. Only time will tell.
La Madam has issued a statement that she had got the Darby & Juno OAP club to round up some volunteers to form a stand-in team, let’s hope that won’t be necessary (not quite sure what the rules have to say about Zimmer frames on the pitch but lawyers are currently investigating).
Friday, 1 May 2009
Duke's Cup 09
by Juno Lister
As the summer fast approaches on the good citizens of Valroma pre-season training is in full swing. The first of the new season's tournaments is the Duke's Cup held at the New Westgate Stadium in downtown Valroma City.
The four teams competing for this prestigious trophy which is to be played in a knockout format are:
The Black Bay Dragons - the vicious Dark Elf team.
San Pedro Rams - the strange town folk from way down South. Yet to win a game of course but these plucky villagers are looking to avenge the defeat by this tournament's hosts.
Valroma City - the team of proud guards of our capital finest are starting to enjoy celebrity status due to off-field activities in the off season, none more so than the Pew brothers who won the popular contest 'Valroma's Got Talent' by shoving 235 frogs down a detainee's throat in one minute smashing the old record by 100 frogs.
Harbad's Heros - once hailed as the team to watch out for paled into insignificance last season with that bone crunching defeat by the Dragons.
So the draw was rigged as follows
Harbad's Heroes v San Pedro Rams
Valroma City v Black Bay Dragons
The winner of each going head-to-head for the Duke's Cup. The third place will be determined on touchdowns scored
So where will you be next weekend? Rumour has it the Rams have already set off from the hills to a ticker tape send off together with over hundred supporters in a convoy of donkey pulled carts. It is also rumoured that the popular San Pedro folk band Green Sleeves are also travelling to the capital and will be playing at the Dragonfly Tavern in Butterfly street supporting the popular Spriggan Moist . So everyone else will probably go to La Madame's until the main act comes on stage .
As the summer fast approaches on the good citizens of Valroma pre-season training is in full swing. The first of the new season's tournaments is the Duke's Cup held at the New Westgate Stadium in downtown Valroma City.
The four teams competing for this prestigious trophy which is to be played in a knockout format are:
The Black Bay Dragons - the vicious Dark Elf team.
San Pedro Rams - the strange town folk from way down South. Yet to win a game of course but these plucky villagers are looking to avenge the defeat by this tournament's hosts.
Valroma City - the team of proud guards of our capital finest are starting to enjoy celebrity status due to off-field activities in the off season, none more so than the Pew brothers who won the popular contest 'Valroma's Got Talent' by shoving 235 frogs down a detainee's throat in one minute smashing the old record by 100 frogs.
Harbad's Heros - once hailed as the team to watch out for paled into insignificance last season with that bone crunching defeat by the Dragons.
So the draw was rigged as follows
Harbad's Heroes v San Pedro Rams
Valroma City v Black Bay Dragons
The winner of each going head-to-head for the Duke's Cup. The third place will be determined on touchdowns scored
So where will you be next weekend? Rumour has it the Rams have already set off from the hills to a ticker tape send off together with over hundred supporters in a convoy of donkey pulled carts. It is also rumoured that the popular San Pedro folk band Green Sleeves are also travelling to the capital and will be playing at the Dragonfly Tavern in Butterfly street supporting the popular Spriggan Moist . So everyone else will probably go to La Madame's until the main act comes on stage .
Tuesday, 5 August 2008
San Pedro Rams 1 Valroma City 2
Juno Lister
Valroma City
1 Pew
2 Pew
3 Barney
4 McGrue
5 Cuthbert
6 Dibble
7 Grub
San Pedro Rams
1 Mikiel MUFSID
2 Bertu L-Bokser
3 Kalcidon il-Fatat
4 Pietru L-Hafi
5 Nikol il-Gard
6 Censu l-Bari
7 Wenzu l-Haxxej
After the euphoria of the legalisation of Bloodbowl in Valroma the last
few weeks have been fairly quiet on the games front. It was only a matter of time however before the worst kept secret in the land would be made public... the Valroma City Guard were to form a squad and become the cities official team.
There was no small amount of speculation as to why City's debut
match was to be played away in the sleepy protectorate of San Pedro, some three hundred miles to the south. When questioned, team
manager Captain Snort replied "we just want to bring the sport to the provinces". The word on the street however was that the 'Guards'
wanted to show the provintials who was boss and beat them into their home turf!
Since forming their team the San Pedro Rams had not been able to get
a single game so when the official letter was received in the village that Valroma City were coming to them the village went into Bloodbowl fever.
The whole village were prepared and everything was thought of...except when City trundled in to the train station at the bottom of the cliffs there was no transport for them upto the heights of San Pedro. After two hours of lugging their equipment to the village salt was added to the wounds as the cab drivers were stood with their horses applauding the hapless Guards turned bloodbowl players. It took the local San Pedro Guards several hours to extract the same cabbies heads out of their frantic horses backsides! A spokesperson for the San Pedro Guards confirmed no arrests were made and it was all a big mistake. The local San Pedro folk are fear foul play and that Guards stick together no matter where they are from.
So exactly how two San Pedro guards ended up hands bound to a pole outside the city walls, trousers around their ankles, genitals plastered in jam near a field of bee hives with a sign dangled around their necks saying "I'm a guard first San Pedrian second" is probably not the mystery that the local Guards claim it to be.
The Patcho Grasso ground was full ...over 2,500 people were in attendance
with many red faced, sweaty and tired City supporters (due of course to the
lack of cabbies to ferry them up from the station). Green flags were flying
all around and the local San Pedro band played their traditional music. The
ground erupted when the teams came out and no one felt the Rams had a
chance and everyone was expecting carnage. The referee was a man by the
name of Saref Sabastad, or at least that is what a local told me.
Sabastad pulled up the Rams on two succesive occasions right on kick-off
for infringements. A discussion ensued on the pitch and rule differences
were ironed out and not before time. To the home crowd's delight the plucky
rams charged at City after Captain Mufsid launched the ball into the City
half. Carnage did indeed ensue but it was City who were surprisingly on the
receiving end with Pew, McGrue and Barney all being steam rollered to the
ground by the Rams charging line men.This wasn't going according to the
script! Pew's brother...Pew viciously attacked Bertu il-Bokser who skilfully
side stepped and brought down the guard with a lethal right hook to the jaw
knocking him clean out .
The first twenty minutes of the game was literally a bloodbath and it
appeared the Rams were coming off better, the ball bobbed around the pitch
seemingly just a bit part in the game when a loose ball was pounced upon by
City's Grub right under the nose of the heroic Bertu il-Bokser. Grub spotted
McGrue sprinting into the Rams half with the home team racing to shut him
down. Grub spotted a gap in the line and ran clean through to score himself
on the 30 minute mark leaving a helpless Wenzu il-il-Haxxej eating his dust.
City were indeed the real deal. No one could have predicted that from the
kick-off Rams captain and catcher Mikiel Mufsid would scoop up the ball and
run into the endzone to equalize the match just before half-time.
The band went into overdrive ......then fell silent as the Valroma city band
turned up at the ground after lugging their instruments up the hill. The
half time entertainment was second to none as San Pedro Village band
were forced to leave the ground with instruments in pieces as the City band
decided they were better and explained the fact to the villagers .....giving
"Battle of the bands" a whole new meaning.
City came out in the second half in high spirits and with their band behind
them they set about the Rams with a spring in their step....looking like a
dodgy line dancing troop on a summer holiday down by the great lake. The
Rams fought bravely but City kept hold of the ball and on the 70th minute
when all thought that San Pedro had pulled off the impossible City catcher
Grub found a way into the Ram's Endzone. Dibble had the ball around the
half way line, in front of him raged a midfield punch up, he paused for a
second pulled his arm back, spotted Grub's run and launched the ball.....
the whole of San Pedro held it's breath the ball soared through the air
rotating, spinning straight into Grubs outstretched hands.
2-1 to City.
The Rams didn't have enough time to respond and at the final whistle
chased Saref Sabastad into his dressing room adding confusion to us
journalists as they were calling him Saref Safarkinbastad ?!?!?!?
San Pedro journalist Padre Hilario told me later
"We are a small team eh! We play to the best of our ability and God willing
we will get results, we must be gracious in defeat and not do deese tings to
da ref after da match. We should nail da tosser during d game, dat way he
doesn't carry on making Alla! shit decisions.......God bless you "
Valroma City
1 Pew
2 Pew
3 Barney
4 McGrue
5 Cuthbert
6 Dibble
7 Grub
San Pedro Rams
1 Mikiel MUFSID
2 Bertu L-Bokser
3 Kalcidon il-Fatat
4 Pietru L-Hafi
5 Nikol il-Gard
6 Censu l-Bari
7 Wenzu l-Haxxej
After the euphoria of the legalisation of Bloodbowl in Valroma the last
few weeks have been fairly quiet on the games front. It was only a matter of time however before the worst kept secret in the land would be made public... the Valroma City Guard were to form a squad and become the cities official team.
There was no small amount of speculation as to why City's debut
match was to be played away in the sleepy protectorate of San Pedro, some three hundred miles to the south. When questioned, team
manager Captain Snort replied "we just want to bring the sport to the provinces". The word on the street however was that the 'Guards'
wanted to show the provintials who was boss and beat them into their home turf!
Since forming their team the San Pedro Rams had not been able to get
a single game so when the official letter was received in the village that Valroma City were coming to them the village went into Bloodbowl fever.
The whole village were prepared and everything was thought of...except when City trundled in to the train station at the bottom of the cliffs there was no transport for them upto the heights of San Pedro. After two hours of lugging their equipment to the village salt was added to the wounds as the cab drivers were stood with their horses applauding the hapless Guards turned bloodbowl players. It took the local San Pedro Guards several hours to extract the same cabbies heads out of their frantic horses backsides! A spokesperson for the San Pedro Guards confirmed no arrests were made and it was all a big mistake. The local San Pedro folk are fear foul play and that Guards stick together no matter where they are from.
So exactly how two San Pedro guards ended up hands bound to a pole outside the city walls, trousers around their ankles, genitals plastered in jam near a field of bee hives with a sign dangled around their necks saying "I'm a guard first San Pedrian second" is probably not the mystery that the local Guards claim it to be.
The Patcho Grasso ground was full ...over 2,500 people were in attendance
with many red faced, sweaty and tired City supporters (due of course to the
lack of cabbies to ferry them up from the station). Green flags were flying
all around and the local San Pedro band played their traditional music. The
ground erupted when the teams came out and no one felt the Rams had a
chance and everyone was expecting carnage. The referee was a man by the
name of Saref Sabastad, or at least that is what a local told me.
Sabastad pulled up the Rams on two succesive occasions right on kick-off
for infringements. A discussion ensued on the pitch and rule differences
were ironed out and not before time. To the home crowd's delight the plucky
rams charged at City after Captain Mufsid launched the ball into the City
half. Carnage did indeed ensue but it was City who were surprisingly on the
receiving end with Pew, McGrue and Barney all being steam rollered to the
ground by the Rams charging line men.This wasn't going according to the
script! Pew's brother...Pew viciously attacked Bertu il-Bokser who skilfully
side stepped and brought down the guard with a lethal right hook to the jaw
knocking him clean out .
The first twenty minutes of the game was literally a bloodbath and it
appeared the Rams were coming off better, the ball bobbed around the pitch
seemingly just a bit part in the game when a loose ball was pounced upon by
City's Grub right under the nose of the heroic Bertu il-Bokser. Grub spotted
McGrue sprinting into the Rams half with the home team racing to shut him
down. Grub spotted a gap in the line and ran clean through to score himself
on the 30 minute mark leaving a helpless Wenzu il-il-Haxxej eating his dust.
City were indeed the real deal. No one could have predicted that from the
kick-off Rams captain and catcher Mikiel Mufsid would scoop up the ball and
run into the endzone to equalize the match just before half-time.
The band went into overdrive ......then fell silent as the Valroma city band
turned up at the ground after lugging their instruments up the hill. The
half time entertainment was second to none as San Pedro Village band
were forced to leave the ground with instruments in pieces as the City band
decided they were better and explained the fact to the villagers .....giving
"Battle of the bands" a whole new meaning.
City came out in the second half in high spirits and with their band behind
them they set about the Rams with a spring in their step....looking like a
dodgy line dancing troop on a summer holiday down by the great lake. The
Rams fought bravely but City kept hold of the ball and on the 70th minute
when all thought that San Pedro had pulled off the impossible City catcher
Grub found a way into the Ram's Endzone. Dibble had the ball around the
half way line, in front of him raged a midfield punch up, he paused for a
second pulled his arm back, spotted Grub's run and launched the ball.....
the whole of San Pedro held it's breath the ball soared through the air
rotating, spinning straight into Grubs outstretched hands.
2-1 to City.
The Rams didn't have enough time to respond and at the final whistle
chased Saref Sabastad into his dressing room adding confusion to us
journalists as they were calling him Saref Safarkinbastad ?!?!?!?
San Pedro journalist Padre Hilario told me later
"We are a small team eh! We play to the best of our ability and God willing
we will get results, we must be gracious in defeat and not do deese tings to
da ref after da match. We should nail da tosser during d game, dat way he
doesn't carry on making Alla! shit decisions.......God bless you "
Wednesday, 30 April 2008
100 gold piece prize fight
by Juno lister
Following the dissapointing news that his shop Neyk Sports was burgled, San Pedro Prize fighter Cenzu Gonbailas held a press conference at his shop on the High Street. Gonbailas a black belt in the San Pedrian martial art Haq Al-bala was angered so much by the fact that his store was broken into that he has pledged to fight in the pits once more .
The sight of Gonbailas running through the dusty street of San Pedro followed by a hoarde of young San Pedrians screaming and shouting his name is a sight ...........yet to happen........... Gonbailas regularly dishes out his trademark Gonad flick trick to any heckler that dares disturb his strict training routine.that and the fact he smells and none of the kids like him. He is however a very popular chap amongst the men that congregate in the bars around the town square and for a pint he will perform his other trademark the Gonbailas Stumble. Gonbailas used this technique for the first time against Ganni L-Loki who had Gonbailas on his last legs and just as he moved in for the kill Gonbailas stumbled forward into L-Loki and headbutted him sending him to the ground. Since then Gonbailas showboat's this stumble and as the pints come flowing they get more and more theatrical. His promoter Joey Di Fazer took time off from his market stall to explain
"Ehhh Cenzu is de best fighter in da Valroma he has done lots of styles of fightin like boxin and de kickin boxin, Tee kwen doo and of course Haq Al-Bala. I am going to put a purse of 100 gold pieces forward for any fighter who will beats Gonbailas......I will keep my money and many fighters will lose deir reputations. I expect every San Pedro man , woman, child and goat to support our hero"
.....so far no one has taken him up on the deal.
Due to the fact that Nejk Sports have no yellow materials for the San Pedro Rams Bloodbowl team kits they will now be playing in green. The guards trail of the twin yellow lines has lead them to Butterfly Street in West side Valroma where they have questioned at length San Pedro's most famous son Charlie il-King the co-proprieter of the Dragonfly tavern. Interrogation took place at the pub late into the night and involved loud raucous singing and dancing.
Padre Hilario is on the scene and we are awaiting a report back from him but so far his reports have been incomprehendible
Sunday, 20 April 2008
Padre Hilario's Sunday Service
Translated by Juno Lister
Hi There Sports fan,
San Pedro's finest prize fighter Cenzu Gonbailas has been seen out pounding the streets this week ......you mean he is actually running I hear you say? No he was literally hitting the street with his fists following the news that his sports wear shop........Neyk Sports was burgled last weekend. No money or valuables have been stolen but only yellow material and paint. Cynics are pointing the finger at the Banda Filomarnika San Pedro who are rumoured to be unhappy that the San Pedro Rams are to play in the Yellow of Banda San Pedro as agreed when their representative Blood bowl teams met last month to decide the team and colours.
San Pedro Guards are following a few leads. Sergeant Garzia said that they have found a trail of two yellow lines painted on the streets of downtown Valroma. He also said how impressed he was with the Valroma City Guard stopping carts from driving over the evisence and fining anyone stopping anywhere near them.
picture: two of San Pedro's finest on the case
Thursday, 3 April 2008
Endzone's Newest Sports Correspondent
by Juno Lister
Padre Hilario is the latest roving reporter to join the Endzone team.
One of San Pedro 's clergy he will keep us abreast of what is going on in the that strange little village behind the mountains. He will be the first on scene travelling with the Rams as they come into the city to test their skills against the finest Bloodbowl teams in the duchy. He will make it his point to ensure The Rams' spiritual needs are catered for whilst on tour.....even in Butterfly Street ....ahem.
Hailing from San Pedro himself Padre Hilario, a fully ordained man of the cloth, has often come into dispute with his superior Padre Zammitello for failing to wear his robes and putting closed signs on his chapel at the bottom of the High Street when major sporting events are taking place.
We tried to get a comment from the newest member of our team but unfortunately when we turned up at the chapel we could see through the window that his dog-collar and robe were hanging up with a sign on the door saying
"Closed ....go bless yourselves "
It may be pure coincidence but there was indeed donkey racing taking place in the village at the time
Padre Hilario is the latest roving reporter to join the Endzone team.
One of San Pedro 's clergy he will keep us abreast of what is going on in the that strange little village behind the mountains. He will be the first on scene travelling with the Rams as they come into the city to test their skills against the finest Bloodbowl teams in the duchy. He will make it his point to ensure The Rams' spiritual needs are catered for whilst on tour.....even in Butterfly Street ....ahem.
Hailing from San Pedro himself Padre Hilario, a fully ordained man of the cloth, has often come into dispute with his superior Padre Zammitello for failing to wear his robes and putting closed signs on his chapel at the bottom of the High Street when major sporting events are taking place.
We tried to get a comment from the newest member of our team but unfortunately when we turned up at the chapel we could see through the window that his dog-collar and robe were hanging up with a sign on the door saying
"Closed ....go bless yourselves "
It may be pure coincidence but there was indeed donkey racing taking place in the village at the time
Behind the Mountains or Wound up The Wall ?
By Juno Lister
Hi there bloodbowl fans today I bring you this report in the far far south from the village of San Pedro. Although often described as behind the mountains the village is in fact on a plateau halfway up the Western Wall. It's human population are simple folk who speak in a completely different dialect to the rest of Valroma. I am here to bear witness to the fact that Bloodbowl has spread even to the outer regions. Bloodbowl or Bladbowel as it is known here is played between two teams which are representatives of the two band clubs that grace the streets of San Pedro at Festa time.
As I approached the village along a dusty winding path I could see the domed shaped church surrounded by yellow block brick houses,all sporting huge flag poles with either yellow or green flags attached. Yellow , the colour of the Banda San Pedro whose club house or Kazin is situated on San Pedro High Street and the green the colour of Il-Banda Filomarnika San Pedro whose rather grander Kazin is situated right next to the Church of San Pedro.
The one Bloodbowl pitch is a white gravel affair called Il-Grownd Patcho-Grasso. Today the two band clubs were playing head to head. Most of the village turned out and the hand-held whistling fireworks were only drowned out by the thunderous petards exploding over head as the two teams prepared to engage in what were trials for the first ever San Pedro Bloodbowl team to be known as The Rams. To coincide with the two bloodbowl teams joining forces the two bands played jubilous marches throughout the event.
The Valroma Bloodbowl Commission kindly sent Rack Myley their top referee to officiate this event. What followed was a highly charged game of bloodbowl somewhat lacking in skill but these rather stunt, barrel-chested men were full of enthusiasm. Rather strangely the yellows won by two touchdowns to nothing, both scored by catcher Mikiel Mufsid. Mufsid once had a trial with a team in Valroma city before Blodbowl was legal but the Guards raided the team before he could play and he fled back to San Pedro .I spoke to Mufsid who said:
" I am glad to be part of de team. I wish we had a trower to help me but I will do all de running and de linesmans dey will keep de udder players away from me eh!"
As the Yellows won it was decided that the San Pedro Rams would play in yellow with green trim. The team chosen by veteran underground bloodbowler Carmel il-Buzu who will be the head coach is as follows:
1 Mikiel Mufsid catcher
2 Bertu il-Bokser lineman
3 Kalcidon il-Fatat lineman
4 Pietru il-Hafi lineman
5 Nikol il -Gard lineman
6 Cenzu il-Bari lineman
7 Wenzu l-Haxxej lineman
Hi there bloodbowl fans today I bring you this report in the far far south from the village of San Pedro. Although often described as behind the mountains the village is in fact on a plateau halfway up the Western Wall. It's human population are simple folk who speak in a completely different dialect to the rest of Valroma. I am here to bear witness to the fact that Bloodbowl has spread even to the outer regions. Bloodbowl or Bladbowel as it is known here is played between two teams which are representatives of the two band clubs that grace the streets of San Pedro at Festa time.
As I approached the village along a dusty winding path I could see the domed shaped church surrounded by yellow block brick houses,all sporting huge flag poles with either yellow or green flags attached. Yellow , the colour of the Banda San Pedro whose club house or Kazin is situated on San Pedro High Street and the green the colour of Il-Banda Filomarnika San Pedro whose rather grander Kazin is situated right next to the Church of San Pedro.
The one Bloodbowl pitch is a white gravel affair called Il-Grownd Patcho-Grasso. Today the two band clubs were playing head to head. Most of the village turned out and the hand-held whistling fireworks were only drowned out by the thunderous petards exploding over head as the two teams prepared to engage in what were trials for the first ever San Pedro Bloodbowl team to be known as The Rams. To coincide with the two bloodbowl teams joining forces the two bands played jubilous marches throughout the event.
The Valroma Bloodbowl Commission kindly sent Rack Myley their top referee to officiate this event. What followed was a highly charged game of bloodbowl somewhat lacking in skill but these rather stunt, barrel-chested men were full of enthusiasm. Rather strangely the yellows won by two touchdowns to nothing, both scored by catcher Mikiel Mufsid. Mufsid once had a trial with a team in Valroma city before Blodbowl was legal but the Guards raided the team before he could play and he fled back to San Pedro .I spoke to Mufsid who said:
" I am glad to be part of de team. I wish we had a trower to help me but I will do all de running and de linesmans dey will keep de udder players away from me eh!"
As the Yellows won it was decided that the San Pedro Rams would play in yellow with green trim. The team chosen by veteran underground bloodbowler Carmel il-Buzu who will be the head coach is as follows:
1 Mikiel Mufsid catcher
2 Bertu il-Bokser lineman
3 Kalcidon il-Fatat lineman
4 Pietru il-Hafi lineman
5 Nikol il -Gard lineman
6 Cenzu il-Bari lineman
7 Wenzu l-Haxxej lineman
Monday, 31 March 2008
Guards Guards
by Guido de Groot
It would seem our fair city finally has its own official bloodbowl team, sanctioned and sponsored by the Duke himself. Newly formed Valroma City registered today with the VBC and I can predict there will be a lot of teams wanting to have a crack at them...the team is made up from members of the City Guard! Oh boy, form an in-orderly cue here.
The Guard are being very tight lipped at the moment, team coach has yet to me named and the squad hasn't been picked. Team trials are being held this week at East Dock Barracks so get down there over the coming week and show them your support, or throw a few bottles.
It would seem our fair city finally has its own official bloodbowl team, sanctioned and sponsored by the Duke himself. Newly formed Valroma City registered today with the VBC and I can predict there will be a lot of teams wanting to have a crack at them...the team is made up from members of the City Guard! Oh boy, form an in-orderly cue here.
The Guard are being very tight lipped at the moment, team coach has yet to me named and the squad hasn't been picked. Team trials are being held this week at East Dock Barracks so get down there over the coming week and show them your support, or throw a few bottles.
Rats hold the Dragons
By Juno Lister
Having been treated to the spectacle of Bloodbowl last weekend Maak Farler productions staged another match in the West brook Market square . Rike Mayley walked out into the centre of the pitch with the ball as Farler introduced the teams to a 200 strong crowd. The Black Bay Dragons returned from the Water’s Edge again but where were the other team. An iron grate flew out of the ground by the Pissing Wall, a slow drumming could be heard from underground, pounding ,beating, getting quicker at the point the drumming was at a roll. Out from the sewer came the red armour clad Doom Town Rats. This Skaven team under new management of Aaro Noodal had specifically requested to meet the new kids on the block after their disposal of the Heroes. It appears that there is an unlikely alliance between the two clubs to play a series of friendly matches (if there can ever truely be such a thing in bloodbowl - Ed) . As Aaro Noodal is not a registered coach these matches will not be sanctioned by the Valroma Bloodbowl Commision
The Rats lined up with
Sidney Skab
Scally Wag
'Scary boy'
Doom
Cheesy Dood
Spike
Dumpy Snot Breath
Gob Beldoff
The Dragons were unchanged from the Heroes game.
The rats kicked off and it looked like it was going to be plain sailing for the Dragon’s with Talon receiving a long pass from thrower Moondancer and then sprinting unchallenged into the endzone.
The rest of the half will be remembered for constant ball fumbles from both teams and the sheer vicious nature of the Rats .With 5 minutes remaining for the half time whistle Rat’s thrower Wag picked up a stray bobbling ball and chose to throw to catcher Skab who made a gutsy impressive sprint to the endzone . The rats had equalised . The rats were crushing the Dragons as they lined up after the touchdown with only three players . Luckily the halftime whistle went and the Dragons were able to field four players at the re start.
The second half pretty much followed suit and Moondancer straight from the kick off capitalised on poor rats ball control, picked the ball up and skipped down through the gappy Rats line up and scored a touchdown. This is where it all started going wrong for the Dragons. The rats attacked and attacked the Dragons with spitefull and crushing blows and at one point Gob Beldoff having punched Crash Talon limp on his feet poised himself to finish him off and just allowed him to fall after all this was only a friendly. With minutes remaining only Lildew was left standing, Gob Beldoff seeing that Spike was dashing into an empty Dragons half converted a long throw that was pinpoint accurate. Spike dashed towards the endzone ball in hand . Lildew raced across the pitch sprinting at this last ditch attempt to hold on to the lead he launched at Spike who shrugged him off sending Lildew crashing to the ground . This allowed other Dragons players to pick themselves off the ground but The rats had already surrounded their hero blitzer Spike who calmly walked into the endzone unchallenged 2-2.
There was only enough time for The Dragon’s to receive the ball and run at the Rats before Mayley ended what was a very entertaining game . The Dragons had only three players standing at the end and were thankful for the whistle.
Final score Black Bay Dragons 2 Doom Town Rats 2
Having been treated to the spectacle of Bloodbowl last weekend Maak Farler productions staged another match in the West brook Market square . Rike Mayley walked out into the centre of the pitch with the ball as Farler introduced the teams to a 200 strong crowd. The Black Bay Dragons returned from the Water’s Edge again but where were the other team. An iron grate flew out of the ground by the Pissing Wall, a slow drumming could be heard from underground, pounding ,beating, getting quicker at the point the drumming was at a roll. Out from the sewer came the red armour clad Doom Town Rats. This Skaven team under new management of Aaro Noodal had specifically requested to meet the new kids on the block after their disposal of the Heroes. It appears that there is an unlikely alliance between the two clubs to play a series of friendly matches (if there can ever truely be such a thing in bloodbowl - Ed) . As Aaro Noodal is not a registered coach these matches will not be sanctioned by the Valroma Bloodbowl Commision
The Rats lined up with
Sidney Skab
Scally Wag
'Scary boy'
Doom
Cheesy Dood
Spike
Dumpy Snot Breath
Gob Beldoff
The Dragons were unchanged from the Heroes game.
The rats kicked off and it looked like it was going to be plain sailing for the Dragon’s with Talon receiving a long pass from thrower Moondancer and then sprinting unchallenged into the endzone.
The rest of the half will be remembered for constant ball fumbles from both teams and the sheer vicious nature of the Rats .With 5 minutes remaining for the half time whistle Rat’s thrower Wag picked up a stray bobbling ball and chose to throw to catcher Skab who made a gutsy impressive sprint to the endzone . The rats had equalised . The rats were crushing the Dragons as they lined up after the touchdown with only three players . Luckily the halftime whistle went and the Dragons were able to field four players at the re start.
The second half pretty much followed suit and Moondancer straight from the kick off capitalised on poor rats ball control, picked the ball up and skipped down through the gappy Rats line up and scored a touchdown. This is where it all started going wrong for the Dragons. The rats attacked and attacked the Dragons with spitefull and crushing blows and at one point Gob Beldoff having punched Crash Talon limp on his feet poised himself to finish him off and just allowed him to fall after all this was only a friendly. With minutes remaining only Lildew was left standing, Gob Beldoff seeing that Spike was dashing into an empty Dragons half converted a long throw that was pinpoint accurate. Spike dashed towards the endzone ball in hand . Lildew raced across the pitch sprinting at this last ditch attempt to hold on to the lead he launched at Spike who shrugged him off sending Lildew crashing to the ground . This allowed other Dragons players to pick themselves off the ground but The rats had already surrounded their hero blitzer Spike who calmly walked into the endzone unchallenged 2-2.
There was only enough time for The Dragon’s to receive the ball and run at the Rats before Mayley ended what was a very entertaining game . The Dragons had only three players standing at the end and were thankful for the whistle.
Final score Black Bay Dragons 2 Doom Town Rats 2
Monday, 24 March 2008
BSH Tribute
by Guido de Groot
Team-mates paid tribute to fallen blocker BSH last night at the roudy post game bar-b-q.
Team captain 'Rash' Gaarhgon commented as he pasted round a large platter of cooked meat
"he wasnt a very good blocker but at least there is plenty to go round..."
Team-mates paid tribute to fallen blocker BSH last night at the roudy post game bar-b-q.
Team captain 'Rash' Gaarhgon commented as he pasted round a large platter of cooked meat
"he wasnt a very good blocker but at least there is plenty to go round..."
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